I want to order an 800 number. On my AT&T bill is a customer services number. I call it. A voice mail gives four options. None of which I want. Just TRY to get a representative. I am instructed to dial another number. I am given three options. Hit 0 for operator and disembodied voice says I have called after hours. The hours are 7am - 10-pm Monday- Fri. Eastern Standard Time.

Fine. It is now 4am Monday in California. They should be open. By 4:30am in CA I have called repeatedly and punched in all prompts until I am ready to punch someone. I am still told by a disembodied voice that offices are closed. I try another number. This time, I reach a computer voice.

Computer:"I'll try and help you. Tell me in your own words what you want."

Me:"Toll free service."

Computer:"I'm sorry. I did not understand. Let me tell you what services we offer..."

Me:"I want a person"

Computer:"Tell me, in your own words, what you want."

Me:"Toll free service!"

Computer:"I am sorry. I do not understand what you want."

Me:(screaming) "I want a person."

Computer:"I am sorry. I..."

SLAM!!!!

I call 00 in frustration. "Operator!!"

Operator: "How can I help?"

Me:"I have been trying without luck to get someone in customer service. I have been caught in a voice mail hell with an atavistic voice. How do I talk to a person?"

Operator:"I am sorry you are having problems. You can talk to a supervisor."

Supervisor:"Can I help you?"

Me:(heatedly) "I want to ask about a toll free number. I have dialed three numbers and cannot get in. It says offices open at 7am and now it's almost 8am EST!"

Supervisor:"Oh, sometimes they forget to turn off that message so phones can ring through. We have to call and tell them."

Lowes. That's real issue. Analysts and investors alike are holding Home Depot up to Lowes, comparing two as if they were fine bottles of wine, holding glass up to light inspecting its amber glow, sniffing those corks as if that's gonna tell you anything. They should take that same view when comparing HD to LOW. These stores may be in same business but they're not that alike.

Lets look at facts, store against store and talk dollars not lightly lit isles. Lowes inventory is higher in major appliances. While to some that may seem a good strategy and yes, isles are wider at Lowes. Its true too that Home Depot's stores look more like a warehouse. That's because they are!

These are retailers, LOW and HD, and they should be judged like retailers judge themselves; floor space and turn over. HD carries more inventory per square foot of store space than LOW. HD carries less of bulky, slow turning appliances than LOW. They've also got a whole lot more in buying power with 1,500 stores than LOW and that means lower costs in volume purchases. If it came down to a price war it would be bloody, but Home Depot's clearly got upper hand.

Chief Executive Robert Nardelli who arrived from General Electric two years ago, was already under intense pressure from investors. Home Depot's stock had fallen 53 percent in 2002, making it worst performer among components of Dow Jones industrial average.

Nardelli, some analysts say, has focused too much on cost cutting at expense of a critical element of retailing -- customer. Moreover, they say, stores have a poor layout, merchandise that appeals too much to traditional male do-it-yourselfer rather than women who make many of spending decisions, and a sales staff whose strong suit is not customer service.