It’s not as simple as asking for one. And by way, a closet will do and even a big box as you’ll see. That’s how strong need is for an introvert to have a place of their own. Introverts are territorial because of their great need for personal space. It’s important to their sense of well being, their mental and emotional health.

If a child wants to go in their room and close door, extroverted parents may interpret this behavior as rejection, or worse, being secretive and anti-social. They wonder, “What’s she hiding? What’s wrong with him? Why doesn’t s/he want to be part of family?” These are legitimate concerns and since your child can’t answer, I’d like to explain for them.

There are two reasons, both healthy. (1) One of reasons is something few people know. Introverts give energy and extroverts receive energy. When introverts are out in world, because they give energy to other people, they can be drained during day. That person you see over there who’s life of party? He’s an extrovert and he would be drained if he had to be by himself tonight. The attention he’s getting nurtures him. He thrives on it. It fills him up and makes him feel he’s alive.

And who’s giving him that attention? Likely it’s an introvert.

Whenever you see a crowd of people, extroverts are receiving energy and introverts are giving energy. Introverts need to spend about half their time alone, to fill back up again. It’s not that we don’t love people!

However, there are many introverts who withdraw later in life because they have had such difficulty being understood and getting their needs met, they find it easier to “do without”. With your help, your introverted child can learn to identify his or her needs and ask for them. But first you must understood in order to give them support they need.

Let’s think for a moment about your child’s school day. As much as fifty percent of learning that’s done in lower school is how to become part of society, part of group. Kids learn how to raise their hands, take turns, line up properly, wait their turn, sit still, use good manners, ask politely for what they want, listen to and follow instructions. These are social skills. They require interaction.

In addition, your child’s day can consist of walking to school with others, watching out for a younger sibling, riding a noisy crowded bus, classroom interaction with 20 to 40 other children, figuring out omnipotent teacher and principal (in middle school, more than one), eating lunch in a big noisy cafeteria, dressing for gym in a crowded noisy locker room, participating in “teams” and getting team spirit. After school there are other activities that require socializing, including private music lessons, Brownies and Cub Scouts and sports practice. Socializing is stressful to introverts and they receive no inherent rewards from it.

As your child gets older, there is pressure to join clubs, take part in extracurricular activities, become part of a clique or group, get dates, go to dances, volunteer or sing in choir in spare time, join church car wash on weekends, spend time caring for aging relatives, etc..

Many children are assured that they will not be successful in life if they don’t get into right college. They are told that this requires a resume full of activities that show “leadership ability”. The activities I’ve mentioned are hard wired for pleasure and satisfaction of extroverts, who make up 60 to 75% of school population (indeed of American society). They can be deadly to introverts. [See www.benizer.org on cost of falsifying type]

If your child is introverted, he or she is in minority and has added stress of coping with a world set up by aliens! The ratio of extroverts to introverts is about three to one. It might help if you’re an extrovert to imagine yourself forced to spend a vacation on an island with no modern conveniences, no tv, no other people or animals, no electric lights, radios or passive entertainment. Does thought drive you crazy? Then imagine being made to feel like there was something wrong with you because you couldn’t “cope” with this environment. Imagine being forced to learn “skills” to “succeed” on this island world, as if this were “the” world. Imagine having to do this for at least ten hours a day for rest of your life.

It's remarkably simple. They learned how to entertain a thought.

Aristotle said, "It is mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Hmmm. To entertain a thought without accepting it.

We need to do that. Everyone needs to learn how to be a good host or hostess to new ideas. In fact, our goal should be to become Martha Stewart of mental entertaining!

What if you treated a new thought like a guest?

It's easier to think about mental entertaining if we put together a to-do list, just like Martha. Here it is:

#1 Make first move. First of all, you issue an invitation. Nothing fancy. You don't have to make any major investment or lifelong commitment. You're simply inviting this person in. It's same with initiating entertainment of an idea. You might see a quote on side of a bus somewhere, and decide you'd like to explore that concept more deeply. Or, maybe you find yourself bumping into same topic all time, and so you make up your mind to learn more about it. Either way, you need to be ready to initiate process. Don't hide--you won't meet new ideas if you scurry away whenever doorbell rings.

#2 Prepare. Uh-oh. Your house is a mess. You'd better do some cleaning. You're not really trying to impress, but hey, you could certainly do some sprucing up and get place looking neat and inviting.

Prepare for a new thought in same way. Make some space in your mind to think about something new. According to Deepak Chopra, well-known author on health and longevity, average human has 60,000 thoughts a day. Pretty impressive? Well, here's kicker: 57,000 of those are same ones you had YESTERDAY! Now that's some serious clutter! Get rid of a few of those dusty old thoughts and make room for new ones.

#3 Offer a warm greeting. When your new guest arrives, be warm and inviting. After all, you're hoping to start a friendship. Put your best foot forward.

It's same with an idea. If you face it with skepticism, fear or detachment, you won't be entertaining it for long. You'll be eyeing your watch, yawning, or looking for a way to end discussion early. You've got to be open and full of anticipation to prepare an environment in which new ideas will be explored and integrated fully. Just as it's no fair making lame excuses or having your friend call to interrupt visit, it's also cheating to cut out too soon when it comes to entertaining an idea.

#4 Make introductions. T This is big one. You would certainly introduce your guest to everyone at party, with a special effort to connect them to those with whom they may have something in common.

Any new idea you consider will be more likely to be welcomed if you actively and intentionally introduce it to your other ideas and interests. Look for unusual and inspired pairings. How does it fit? Where does it fit? DOES it fit? You won't know until you try.