Born With InstructionsWritten by Carol M. Welsh
We finally seem to get parenting techniques that work with first child only to find out that they don’t work with next child. Why can kids be born with instructions? Good news! When you understand your children’s perceptual styles, you’ll discover that they are born with an “instruction manual.” Each of us is a unique combination of Four Perceptions: Audio, Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. When children are born, they are 100% Feelers. Although they will continue to have sensitive feelings during their formative years, their primary Perception will begin to reveal itself when they’re about six months old. The following true story reveals how differently it unfolds based on perceptual style of child. Some of mother’s actions led to discouraging results while others led to more encouraging results.The principal desire for AUDIO Children is to maintain personal control and a sense of fairness. I was sitting in allergist’s office when a woman entered with her four-year-old, Aaron, and his two cousins, Carrie, 13, and Curt, 11. Immediately Aaron started acting silly. His mother told him to sit down and behave. “No!” he shouted and giggled. He picked up magazines and threw them on floor. “Pick them up and put them back,” his mother demanded. Aaron hurled them on table and then noisily started rolling and kicking on floor. His mother glared, “Get up and sit down right now!” His seat barely touched cushion before he was back on floor again. Aaron’s mother grabbed his arm and started to take him outside. Instantly he shouted, “No, no!” He had pushed limits too far, something that Audios will always test. They went to toy room where Aaron grabbed a stuffed toy, raced back to waiting room and threw it up in air, giggling loudly. His mother was called for her allergy injection so she whispered to cousins to ignore him. Carrie said she’d read a book to Aaron. He plopped in a chair and soon started loudly hamming up story. Carrie closed book and refused to read. Aaron turned to Curt who also refused to play with him. When his mother came out, it was time for Aaron’s shot and he impishly said, “No!” His mother said in a firm voice, “When we get home, we’re having a cookout and then we’re going swimming. If you don’t behave, you will eat in your room and stay there for rest of night. The choice is yours.” The change in Aaron was instantaneous. “I’ll be good.” Quietly, he went to get his allergy injection. Aaron’s actions were motivated by his desire to maintain personal control. He wanted to show off to his cousins. When his control of situation was threatened, his emotions drove his reactions and he became defiant. Every technique his mother tried was appropriate. The one with most encouraging results allowed Aaron to maintain personal control and he sensed fairness. The principal desire for FEELER Children is to please you or not make you angry. For Feelers, their feelings drive both their actions and reactions. For comparison, here is a summary of same scenario about Aaron, only this time he’s a Feeler. Aaron was excited because his cousins were visiting. He started spinning around with his arms outstretched. “Whee-e-e!” he shouted happily. Suddenly he lost his balance and crashed into corner of end table. It hurt but he tried not to cry in front of his cousins. “That’s enough!” his mother glared. “Come over here and sit down right now.” With his eyes lowered and shoulders hunched, he crept over to chair in corner. He drew up his knees and pushed himself into corner. He rested his head on his knees. Soon he quietly raise his head to wipe away a tear. Then he slid off his chair and walked with his head down over to his mother. As he pulled his shorts down to reveal his bruise, tears flowed and he whimpered, “I hurt myself.” “I’m sure it hurts, but it will get better,” she said matter-of-factly. She got up to go get her allergy shot. Alarmed his mother would leave while still mad at him, Aaron threw his arms around her and said he was sorry. “It’s okay,” she said and smiled. Gratefully he reached for his mother’s hand and they went to get their shots. When they returned, Aaron showed his cousins where he received allergy injection. “It only hurt a little,” he said proudly. Carrie asked if he’d like her to read his book while they waited required 30 minutes. He nodded. As she read, she had her arm around him. He glowed. Then he interrupted to tell her about something that happened in preschool. His face was animated as he enjoyed reliving incident. All was right with Aaron’s world. He was pleased with himself and he was pleasing those around him.
| | Baby Names - Choosing Trendy or TraditionalWritten by Barbara Freedman-De Vito
Lists of baby names are always fun to look at, whether you're seeking a name for your soon-to-be-born baby boy or baby girl, wondering about popularity of your own first name, or just curious about what baby names are currently hot. What I find particularly interesting is tracking popularity of baby names over decades. In looking through U.S. government baby name lists from 1880 to present, some amusing patterns emerge, particularly in regards to baby names for girls. For example, in Victorian times Biblical names, such as Mary, Sarah and Ruth were very popular for baby girls. There were also many baby names that sounded very old-fashioned to me, as a kid growing up in 1960s, including names like Martha, Alice, Bertha and Minnie. From 1920s to 1950s certain baby names rose in popularity. For example, I went to school with many Susans, Debbies, Patricias, and Lindas. All of these baby names have since waned, to be replaced, by 1980s, with fancier names such as Jennifer, Jessica and Nicole. When I was a children's librarian in 1980s my preschool storyhours were populated with little girls named Lauren and Jenny, and little boys named Alex and Matthew. More recently there's been a lot of renewed interest in more "old-fashioned" baby names like Hannah, Abigail and Ethan, plus many Biblical names such as Sarah, Rachel, Joshua, Jacob, and Samuel. There's also been a surge in nontraditional baby names including Madison, Ashley and Brianna for baby girls, and Brandon and Logan for baby boys. It's interesting to consider whys and wherefores of such developments. Sometimes, I suspect, popularity of a specific actor or fictional character might result in many babies with a particular name. For example, were some of Lauras born in 1970s and 1980s given a name suggested by older brothers and sisters who were growing up watching "Little House on Prairie ?" Were some attributable to super popular Laura of "General Hospital" fame ? Today Madison is a very highly ranked baby name for girls (ranking number 3 in 2003) but, when film "Splash" came out in 1984, Tom Hanks' character told Daryl Hannah's character that Madison was not a bona fide first name. While baby girls' names seem quite subject to whims of fashion and top ten lists can change radically over time, I've noticed that, in general, top baby names for boys remain far more stable. Names like John, William and James are perennials, perhaps because baby boys are often named for their fathers, perpetuating popularity of certain baby names from generation to generation. The "Junior" factor aside, baby boys are also less apt to be given fanciful names. A comparison of changing fortunes of my own first name, Barbara, with those of my husband's name, Robert, gives a good illustration of difference in stability between baby girl names and baby boy names over time. My name grew in popularity in 1930s, '40s and '50s, peaking at number 2 position in baby name popularity, which it tenaciously held from 1937 to 1944. When I attended grad school, of a class of approximately forty students, there were no less than three baby boomers named Barbara. Should I thank actress Barbara Stanwyck for this ? Alas, my first name later suffered a slow, steady decline and placed at a pitiful number 628 position on baby names popularity list for U.S. in 2003.
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