Do you have a broken partner-picker? Do you keep picking
wrong partners thinking they are right ones, only to realize you once again picked same kind of partner as in past?If so, your partner-picker can be fixed. It just needs a little work. The following exercise will help you fix your partner-picker.
1. Complete following sentence with a few words that readily come to mind:
All men or all women are __________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define men or women? If so, are you sure all men or all women are as you described above? Do you personally know any who are not?
The first step to fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize all kinds of people exist out there in big wide world of ours. Most singles with a broken partner-picker actually believe only kinds of people who are out there are kinds they have been meeting. So a woman who keeps meeting unavailable men believes all men are unavailable. And a man who keeps meeting women who are after his money believes all women are gold diggers.
In a way this actually makes sense; we believe evidence in front of us. However, does woman who keeps meeting unavailable men keep meeting them because that IS only kind of man out there, or because she BELIEVES that is only kind of man out there? In my experience, you will attract all kinds of people, but only notice kind you believe are out there.
To change this, get to know and build friendships with men and women who are not as you described above. Work on realizing there is great diversity in behaviors and attitudes among EACH sex.
2. Complete following sentence with a few words that readily come to mind:
All relationships are ______________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define relationships? If so, is it true that all relationships are as you described? Do you personally know any that are not?
The second step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize that all kinds of relationships exist out there in big wide world of ours. Most singles actually believe only kind of relationship possible is kind they fear they will end up in. So singles envision a controlling, manipulative partner who asks them to compromise their very being. Or they envision an uncaring, cold partner who would rather be away from them doing something else. Or they envision some other relationship horror they would rather not live through.
