Beware of Thick Ankled Women!Written by Ed Williams
It’s funny kinds of things that you remember sometimes. Just a little while ago I began smiling because I was thinking about something my mother told me many years ago. I was a teenager at time, and I think that I was dating several girls instead of just dating my steady girlfriend. My mother, for some inexplicable reason, was not too crazy about that, so she gave me a lecture about how I was going to lose her. She went on and on and on about it, and I finally grumbled back some sort of response, which prompted her to look at me and say something that I still remember to this day. She said,“Son, beware of city women that smell too good, country women that act too good, and old women with fast hands.” Pretty profound, huh? I thought so, too. Funny thing, though, since then I’ve learned a little more about life, and have picked up on something rather interesting. She was one hundred percent right about watching out for smelly city women, too good country women, and she was very, very right about fast handed old women, but I’ve discovered that it’s not these type women that men need to watch out for most. In my experience, women that you need to watch out for most, in fact, women that you need to give a very wide berth to, is those women with thick ankles. That’s right, women with thick ankles. I mean, think about it for a second, women with thick ankles need to be given plenty of space. Ed Jr. whole heartedly agrees. When I asked him about this, he told me that women with big ankles naturally have bad dispositions. He said that they really have no choice, if you think about it. When I asked him why, he said that whenever big ankled women lay down that their ankles rub together. “And son, over time, they build up calluses, so it has to hurt, and it would right smart affect a person’s disposition. Think about it, a person’s ankles clunking together over and over and over again. Imagine how it would affect it a person after years of it. They’d end up being one mean, easy to rile up, parentheses legged person. When it gets down to it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with thick ankles who‘s been in a good mood.”
| | You Can Only Be A True Georgian If...Written by Ed Williams
You know how to get juice out of a honeysuckle.You get excited each and every time Falcons make playoffs, and you never get excited when Braves do exact same thing. You cuss drive up to Atlanta, but you enjoy yourself after you get there. You realize that people have different speaking accents in West, Northwest, Northeast, and Middle America, and that all of them are weird compared to right one, ours. A tear comes to your eye every time you hear Ray Charles singing, “Georgia On My Mind,“ or when you hear Elvis singing “An American Trilogy” during Stone Mountain Park Laser Show. You hate either Yellow Jackets or Bulldogs part of time, but hate Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Penn State Nittany Lions, Ohio State Buckeyes, Michigan Wolverines, and any other large northern football playing university all of time. You think that one of those t-shirts dyed with red mud is truly a time saving idea. You often wonder why anyone would be crazy enough to live someplace else, especially anywhere north of Mason-Dixon Line. You still hold a car door open for a lady, and you still pay for her dinner when you take her out, no matter how little of her entree she actually ends up eating. You know exactly what a brim is. You understand that Dave Barry is a good writer, but that Lewis Grizzard was a great writer. You remember what drink boxes and hoop cheese were. You smile and act like you really do want to go up to Six Flags and ride all those roller coasters... You’re convinced that Super Bowl Sunday ought to be a national holiday. You smile anytime you hear words Tybee, St. Simons, or Jekyll. And let’s not even mention Sea Island... You appreciate our state DOT department just as soon as you drive from Georgia into either Alabama, Florida, or South Carolina. You understand why it’s fun to step on a maypop. You know difference between boiled peanuts made from green peanuts and boiled peanuts made from just plain peanuts.
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