Be Happy, Join The Wednesday Worry Club

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Of allrepparttar people who know me, no one would say I am afflicted with worryitis. They may say other things about me, which may or may not be true, but that's another story.

If you ask me, and nobody has, worry is just a waste of time that could be used more profitably. Every hour of worry takes away from an hour of happiness. There is absolutely no "rhyme or reason" to spend one moment worrying.

Actually, there is a little "rhyme," (it sounds more like rap than anything else), but I assure you there is absolutely no reason for it.

A friend has a cute motto he likes to call to mind; "Why worry when you can pray," which makes perfectly good sense. If we would spend time we would use to worry and pray, we would discover little to unduly concern us.

Very little in life causes me to agonize or be anxious. I have better use of my time than wasting it in such a useless employment carrying no benefits or retirement.

This has not always beenrepparttar 118078 case with me. Once, and not too long ago, I worried about everything. You name it, and I've worried about. My worry list was longer thanrepparttar 118079 list of promises of a politician running for re-election.

Then I worried about missing something I should be worrying about, which was my Waterloo, and you know what happens when you missrepparttar 118080 loo.

This is not to say I don't have a worry inrepparttar 118081 world. There isrepparttar 118082 war in Iraq;repparttar 118083 economy; and trying to remember what my wife asked me to bring home fromrepparttar 118084 store tonight. If I'm not careful, I could easily slip back into those gala days filled with worry.

That was then, this is now. A few years back someone introduced me to a marvelous strategy dealing with worry. Since then, my worrying time has been cut to a bare minimum. Because I'mrepparttar 118085 kind of person I am, I want to pass this scheme along to my friends: both of you.

I callrepparttar 118086 plan, "The Wednesday Worry Club." I simply referred to it asrepparttar 118087 WWC.

Very simply, anything that comes my way inrepparttar 118088 category of worrying, is jotted down on a 3x5 card, which is then placed in a special box called, "The Wednesday Worry Club Box." The item onrepparttar 118089 card is forgotten as I drop it intorepparttar 118090 box. Every Wednesday I open uprepparttar 118091 box and go throughrepparttar 118092 cards.

The cards are color-coded for convenience. Red cards are for serious items; green cards are for financial worries; blue cards are for items not needing immediate attention; and yellow cards are for issues withrepparttar 118093 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118094 Parsonage (the bulk of cards inrepparttar 118095 box are yellow — but you didn't hear it from me).

The effect is simplifying my life and freeing up significant time previously occupied with worrying. I cannot tell you how this has enriched my life and I am anxious for you to experiencerepparttar 118096 benefits ofrepparttar 118097 WWC.


Written by Theolonius McTavish

Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005.


-- Or, there's more to being dumb than you think! --

North America, (and some might even go so far as to include a country due north ofrepparttar 49th parallel known as "The Land of Ice & Snow"), has a quixotic fascination with, if not a fondness for, simple-minded souls.

A quick check of my favorite Internet search engine, “Google”, reveals no less than 1,990,000 pages devoted to “dummies”. In second place, we have a mere 1,670,000 web pages highlightingrepparttar 118077 antics of “idiots”. And third place goes torepparttar 118078 ship of “fools”, containing more than 1,610,000 pages of bewildering bumpf designed to bemuse if not bogglerepparttar 118079 brains of “bozos” and their close relatives,repparttar 118080 bucolic “bumpkins”.

To meetrepparttar 118081 ever-increasing demands of this “mental giant” mega-market, we now have an entire easy-to-read book industry that publishes “how to” guides for “idiots” and “dummies”. “Fools” have yet to agree on who should represent their scatter-brained needs and lollygagging pursuits. And, since “Bozos” and “Bumpkins” have rather infinitesimal brains, their only aspiration in life is to eat, drink, sleep, and fight a lot.

To appreciaterepparttar 118082 importance of this fatuous fraternity, I have compiled a list of more than 400 English language words and phrases used to describe those who are said to be insignificant souls lacking common powers of understanding, judgment and prudence, or those who manage to spend their ludicrous lifetime trifling with trivial matters.

If you come across some new words, feel free to try them out on your friends, family members, or perhaps even a few foes. With a bit of practice, you can then share them with far flung folk who might enjoy adding a little levity to their deep-in-thought days as “dweebs”, “dingbats”, or “dunderheads”.

For those with sixty-second attention spans, just throw a dart to select your weird word forrepparttar 118083 day!

A: Aardvark, Addlebrain, Addle-Cove, Afterling, Airball, Airhead, “All Gong and No Dinner”, Also-Ran, Arm Candy, Arse, Ass

B: Babbler, “Bag of Nails”, “Bag of Wind”, Balmy, Batbrain, Batty, Bazooka, Beanbrain, Bean-Head, Bearded-Weirdie, Bel-Shangle, Billy Barlow, Binlid, Birdbrain, Biscuit-Eater, Bizarro, Blatherskite, Blitherer, Blockhead, Block Ornament, Blob, Bloke, Blowhole, Blubberhead, Blunderbuss, Blunderhead, Blue Devil, Blutterbunged, Bogue, Bollocks, Boffo, Bonehead, Bonetop, Boob, Booberkin, Boofa, Boofer, Booby, Boor, Bore, Botcher, Bozo, Brainless Wonder, Brick, Brown Bagger, Bubble, Bubblehead, Buffle, Bufflehead, Buffoon, Buffy, Bullheaded, Bum, Bump On a Log, Bumpkin, Bungler, Bunny, Bush Bunny, Bush-Leaguer, Buttered Bun, Butterfingers, Butthead, Buttinski, Butt Munch, Buzzard

C: Cabbage-Head, Cad, Cheese Cake, Chooch, Chuff, Chump, Churl, Clam, Clatterbox, Clatterbrain, Clod, Clodhopper, Clodplate, Clodpole, Clone, Closet Case, Clot, Clown, Clueless, Cluck, Cluckhead, Clumperton, Clunker, Cockamamie, Codfish, Coot, Corkhead, Country Chub, Crackpot, Crank, Crazy Arse, Cream-Puff, Cretan, Crock, Cuckoo, Cully

D: Daffy, Dandyprat, Dansey-Headed, Deadbeat, Dead From The Ears Up, Deadhead, Dialtone, Dickbrain, Dickey-Dido, Dickhead, Dilberry, Dildock, Dim Bulb, Dimwit, Dingaling, Dingbat, Dingleberry, Dink, Dipshit, Dipstick, Ditz, Div, Divvy, Dizzy Flat, Dodo, Dodo Bird, Doddypoll, Do-Little, Dolt/ish, Donkey, Doobie, Doodle, Doofus, Doorknob, Door-Stopper, Dope, Dopey, Dork, Dorkhead, Dotard, Drip, Drone, Drooly, Drop-Case, Dropkick, Duck, Dud, Duffer, Dudley Do-Gooder, Dullard, Dull Pickle, Dull Swift, Dull-witted, Dumbbell, Dumbhead, Dum-Dum, Dumb-Ox, Dummkopf, Dummling, Dummy, Dunce, Dunderhead, Driveller, Dweeb, Dweezle

E: Eccentric, Egghead, Egg-Sucker, El Dorko, Empty-headed

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
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