If you ask me, and nobody has, worry is just a waste of time that could be used more profitably. Every hour of worry takes away from an hour of happiness. There is absolutely no "rhyme or reason" to spend one moment worrying.

Actually, there is a little "rhyme," (it sounds more like rap than anything else), but I assure you there is absolutely no reason for it.

A friend has a cute motto he likes to call to mind; "Why worry when you can pray," which makes perfectly good sense. If we would spend time we would use to worry and pray, we would discover little to unduly concern us.

Very little in life causes me to agonize or be anxious. I have better use of my time than wasting it in such a useless employment carrying no benefits or retirement.

This has not always been case with me. Once, and not too long ago, I worried about everything. You name it, and I've worried about. My worry list was longer than list of promises of a politician running for re-election.

Then I worried about missing something I should be worrying about, which was my Waterloo, and you know what happens when you miss loo.

This is not to say I don't have a worry in world. There is war in Iraq; economy; and trying to remember what my wife asked me to bring home from store tonight. If I'm not careful, I could easily slip back into those gala days filled with worry.

That was then, this is now. A few years back someone introduced me to a marvelous strategy dealing with worry. Since then, my worrying time has been cut to a bare minimum. Because I'm kind of person I am, I want to pass this scheme along to my friends: both of you.

I call plan, "The Wednesday Worry Club." I simply referred to it as WWC.

Very simply, anything that comes my way in category of worrying, is jotted down on a 3x5 card, which is then placed in a special box called, "The Wednesday Worry Club Box." The item on card is forgotten as I drop it into box. Every Wednesday I open up box and go through cards.

The cards are color-coded for convenience. Red cards are for serious items; green cards are for financial worries; blue cards are for items not needing immediate attention; and yellow cards are for issues with Gracious Mistress of Parsonage (the bulk of cards in box are yellow — but you didn't hear it from me).

TWITS, TWERPS & TWIZZLE STICKS

-- Or, there's more to being dumb than you think! --

North America, (and some might even go so far as to include a country due north of 49th parallel known as "The Land of Ice & Snow"), has a quixotic fascination with, if not a fondness for, simple-minded souls.

A quick check of my favorite Internet search engine, “Google”, reveals no less than 1,990,000 pages devoted to “dummies”. In second place, we have a mere 1,670,000 web pages highlighting antics of “idiots”. And third place goes to ship of “fools”, containing more than 1,610,000 pages of bewildering bumpf designed to bemuse if not boggle brains of “bozos” and their close relatives, bucolic “bumpkins”.

To meet ever-increasing demands of this “mental giant” mega-market, we now have an entire easy-to-read book industry that publishes “how to” guides for “idiots” and “dummies”. “Fools” have yet to agree on who should represent their scatter-brained needs and lollygagging pursuits. And, since “Bozos” and “Bumpkins” have rather infinitesimal brains, their only aspiration in life is to eat, drink, sleep, and fight a lot.

To appreciate importance of this fatuous fraternity, I have compiled a list of more than 400 English language words and phrases used to describe those who are said to be insignificant souls lacking common powers of understanding, judgment and prudence, or those who manage to spend their ludicrous lifetime trifling with trivial matters.

If you come across some new words, feel free to try them out on your friends, family members, or perhaps even a few foes. With a bit of practice, you can then share them with far flung folk who might enjoy adding a little levity to their deep-in-thought days as “dweebs”, “dingbats”, or “dunderheads”.

For those with sixty-second attention spans, just throw a dart to select your weird word for day!

A: Aardvark, Addlebrain, Addle-Cove, Afterling, Airball, Airhead, “All Gong and No Dinner”, Also-Ran, Arm Candy, Arse, Ass

B: Babbler, “Bag of Nails”, “Bag of Wind”, Balmy, Batbrain, Batty, Bazooka, Beanbrain, Bean-Head, Bearded-Weirdie, Bel-Shangle, Billy Barlow, Binlid, Birdbrain, Biscuit-Eater, Bizarro, Blatherskite, Blitherer, Blockhead, Block Ornament, Blob, Bloke, Blowhole, Blubberhead, Blunderbuss, Blunderhead, Blue Devil, Blutterbunged, Bogue, Bollocks, Boffo, Bonehead, Bonetop, Boob, Booberkin, Boofa, Boofer, Booby, Boor, Bore, Botcher, Bozo, Brainless Wonder, Brick, Brown Bagger, Bubble, Bubblehead, Buffle, Bufflehead, Buffoon, Buffy, Bullheaded, Bum, Bump On a Log, Bumpkin, Bungler, Bunny, Bush Bunny, Bush-Leaguer, Buttered Bun, Butterfingers, Butthead, Buttinski, Butt Munch, Buzzard

C: Cabbage-Head, Cad, Cheese Cake, Chooch, Chuff, Chump, Churl, Clam, Clatterbox, Clatterbrain, Clod, Clodhopper, Clodplate, Clodpole, Clone, Closet Case, Clot, Clown, Clueless, Cluck, Cluckhead, Clumperton, Clunker, Cockamamie, Codfish, Coot, Corkhead, Country Chub, Crackpot, Crank, Crazy Arse, Cream-Puff, Cretan, Crock, Cuckoo, Cully

D: Daffy, Dandyprat, Dansey-Headed, Deadbeat, Dead From The Ears Up, Deadhead, Dialtone, Dickbrain, Dickey-Dido, Dickhead, Dilberry, Dildock, Dim Bulb, Dimwit, Dingaling, Dingbat, Dingleberry, Dink, Dipshit, Dipstick, Ditz, Div, Divvy, Dizzy Flat, Dodo, Dodo Bird, Doddypoll, Do-Little, Dolt/ish, Donkey, Doobie, Doodle, Doofus, Doorknob, Door-Stopper, Dope, Dopey, Dork, Dorkhead, Dotard, Drip, Drone, Drooly, Drop-Case, Dropkick, Duck, Dud, Duffer, Dudley Do-Gooder, Dullard, Dull Pickle, Dull Swift, Dull-witted, Dumbbell, Dumbhead, Dum-Dum, Dumb-Ox, Dummkopf, Dummling, Dummy, Dunce, Dunderhead, Driveller, Dweeb, Dweezle