BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROMEO OR Juliet!

-- Or, where to find a romantic rendez-vous to reconnoiter? -

By Theolonius McTavish, currently a ribald roving reporter (with an abiding interest in arcane topics like curious, odd, or downright postively playful placenames), and part-time errant carpet knight, (a left-over piece of Karma from a previous lifetime)

Valentine’s Day is rolling around again. What would February 14th be without all those wretched little red, cinnamon-flavored candy hearts and calorie-laden chocolate candy kisses?

Well, if you’re not into any of these sumptuous “sweet nothings”, maybe a Valentine vacation might do trick. If so, you’ve got plenty of "hot" spots to choose from in North America.

For benefit of mapless folk, North America includes UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and that cold comfort country (on other side of 49th parallel, just a tad due south of Santa's hangout at North Pole lies an off-the-beaten track place) called, "Canada".

For digitally-inclined, a quick peek at any road atlas or an on-line GPS geo-locator service will certaintly whet one's appetite for a romp in hay with a sizzling “Voluptuous Vixen” or a secret rendez-vous with a “Rudolph Valentino”, far away from madding crowds.

Let’s see, my list of romantic reconnoitering retreats includes these humdingers and doozies. They may look a tad over-the-top, but I’ll have you know these little gems actually exist.

So Don Juan, Casanova and Romeo, not to mention damsels-in-distress like Juliet and all other divas ...what are your waiting for? Just grab your gear, step on gas and hit highway of life. And don't forget to stop off at these delightful destinations to get in mood and set hearts a flutter!

On second thought, perhaps you'd like to think twice about your last-minute libidinal travel plans. After all you, may have to blow some serious coin in all these pleasure palaces filled with all manner of decadent indulgences or at very least how to cope with red heart-shaped balloon-filled events.

Hmmmm...let's see where to begin...

Often a store has a sign with warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling merchandise.

I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say everything in my house is broken, but to point out that everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken.

A case in point; my easy chair.

A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my entire world. Whoever invented easy chair must have been a genius, at least in my book.

To left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are in slow progress, but that's way I like it. I can reach into this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it. Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and pencils.

Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions.

To right of my easy chair are various items. I have telephone, remote control and a variety of reference books, all within easy reach.

At foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer.

As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a harmony of delightful reach-ability.

Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work projects, I heard a funny sound.

B-O-I-N-G!

I could not place sound, so I ignored it. It's manly thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I resort to old ignoring routine. Sometimes it's only thing that really works. Then I heard sound again.

B-O-I-N-G!

This time sound was much louder but before I could really do anything about it, I heard sound for third time.

B-O-I-N-G!

Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes. Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything on my stand flipped in air and came showering down on top of me. Papers, books, remote control and millions of pens and pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion.