Are Your Children Ready for School?Written by Dorothy M Neddermeyer
Spiral bound note book, 3-ring binder, 3-hole lined paper, pencils, pens, erasers, crayons, stapler, scissors, paste, book bag, pencil case, shoes, socks, underwear, shirts, pants, skirts, jacket, uniforms.... Check, Check, Check..., everything is ready. Or is it? I head a report on radio yesterday, "School supply sales are down from last year." I am perplexed. What benefit does that fact make in anyone's life? What is purpose of reporting this? How will that information help me or anyone else? As I mused about this inane topic, I realized most important information for children returning to school is not reported. The most important information parents and children need when going to school is how to protect children from sexual abuse perpetrators. Every year throughout world several hundred children are sexually abused (sexually assaulted) by teachers, bus drivers, janitors, or other adults associated with your child's school experience. To adequately prepare your child for school you need to prepare your child to protect him/herself from cunning sexual abuse perpetrators. How can children protect themselves? First and foremost we need to accept fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to world. In spite of all reports of sexual abuse by pillars of community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is disheveled man with a scraggly beard and wearing a dirty trench coat. We find it very difficult to believe people we like, admire, trust and work with would do such a heinous thing. The frightening truth about sexual abuse perpetrators is that within their belief system they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Sexual abuse perpetrators frequently pass lie detector tests because their moral and ethical values do not reflect standards on which test is based. They feel no inner conflict with what they have done, therefore in their belief system they are not lying when they state, "Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It's not in my heart. That is not who I am." Most perpetrators go to great lengths to present themselves as exemplary people; teacher, who frequently stays after school to help a child having academic difficulties or gym teacher/coach, who takes special interest in a budding athlete. I am not suggesting that everyone who does these things is a sexual abuse perpetrator. Insidiously, perpetrators demonstrate right, moral, and exemplary behavior to develop credibility and establish proof of their love of children, thus thwarting any suspicion of wrong doing; and to have access to lure innocent, trusting child. Perpetrators frequently take jobs which afford easy access to children-child care workers, teachers, coaches, etc. Second, we need to know definition of sexual abuse. "Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not describe what children are experiencing. We need to look beyond blood bond and include emotional bond between victim and his or her perpetrator. The new definition relies less on blood bond between victim and perpetrator and more on experience of child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration needs or wishes of child; rather, it meets needs of other person at child's expense. If experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for benefit of child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated." -E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors
| | Picking Up The PiecesWritten by Annagail Lynes
"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told me during one of our nightly seven o'clock phone calls. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." His words hit me, probably worse than if he had just punched me in stomach. The pain of being physically hit would eventually subside, but emotional pain that his words had left would be a battle wound I would carry with me from relationship to relationship until it finally healed. I have had four steady boyfriends in my life. Two of which I dumped, and two of which I was dumped by. In my experience, it is much worse being dumped than doing dumping. When you are dumped, you feel like you are being rejected, that you were somehow not good enough. Wen I was freelance writing, evitably I would be rejected either because magazine didn't have enough room or because they did a similar article. But I read an article that said, "Every article has a home. And when you receive a rejection letter, it is just saying that your article lives at a different address." The same is true with relationship. God has a person in mind for each of us, so when we are dumped by one person, we can just cross that one of our list. The one God has for us is still out there. All we have to do is find him or her. What's old saying? You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince. After I was dumped, I felt numb. Then anger set in. My anger was building, and I was afraid if it wasn’t released soon that I would explode like an active volcano, spewing destruction on everyone and everything in my path. Ephesians 4:26 warns us to “Be ye angry, and sin not...,” which indicates that anger in itself is not a sin. It is what we do with that anger, that is. God gave us emotion of anger as a built-in system that flashes when evil is triumphing, such as when you see your little sister being beat up by an older student at school or when you see one of your teachers abusing a classmate. What do we do with that anger? It is perhaps better to isolate yourself by taking a walk or going into your bedroom. When you are alone, tell God about your problems in detail and from bottom of your heart. God understands you better than you understand yourself. He knows what you should do and can offer you advice you never thought of. Just talk to Him as if you were talking to a friend. Then decide what course of action to take. Make sure it is an action where you are able to handle your anger constructively. Punching someone out or telling a someone off is not handling your anger appropriately. Before trying counseling, find a good friend who will let you use him as a sounding board. Someone you can call day or night, who will listen to you about your problems and feelings. Promise to do same for that person at some future time.
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