Are You Sure She Knows That?

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

I was out shopping for my beloved Annie,repparttar little girl in my life, with my friend, Betty, who has four daughters of her own, five granddaughters, and two great-granddaughters. She’s a woman of a certain age, with wisdom, whose advice I’m often glad to take.

Shopping for a girl is new to me,repparttar 126156 mother of grown sons. I can pullrepparttar 126157 right car, lego, or chemistry set offrepparttar 126158 rack in a split second, but this thing about dolls has me both baffled and enchanted. I remember back to childhood, but my own, not that of my children. My most recent home was filled with wheels, not dolls.

We proceeded torepparttar 126159 display of angels, which is what Annie had asked for. No, my sons had never requested an angel, nor had they ever dreamed of being a “groom.” It wasn’t justrepparttar 126160 state of marriage that didn’t immediately enchant them, it wasrepparttar 126161 tux. They never requested dress clothes either!

So many blond angels, I thought, but finally found one with brown hair, like Annie’s. I have noticedrepparttar 126162 changes in dolls overrepparttar 126163 years, and always say a silent prayer of thanks that now there are dolls with different shades of skin and hair, and different styles and lengths of hair, as in real life.

I pulledrepparttar 126164 brown-haired angel offrepparttar 126165 shelf and put it in my cart.

“What are you doing?” Betty asked.

“Well, Annie’s got brown hair,” I said. “I want her to see there are angels with brown hair.”

“Are you sure she knows that?” Betty replied.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Are you sure she knows she had brown hair and not blond?” Betty clarified.

Ah, I thought, listening to my wise friend. The fantasies we have. No, I thought quickly. I’m sure Annie envisions herself withrepparttar 126166 long blond hair of fairytales. Like many six year olds, she has a big imagination. I did when I was a little girl. I had blond hair but it wasn’t long blond hair … except in my dreams … because Prince Charming, of course …

Now, this isn’t about dolls resembling humans, or whether boys should be given dolls and girls wheels, or anything bigger than our inner lives, which isrepparttar 126167 hugest thing there is. As someone said, “We never really grow up, we just learn how to behave in public.”

Behaving in public is knowing you have brown hair, not blond. It means knowing you aren’t really Superman! But how many of us really get there?

I thought ofrepparttar 126168 many adults I know who aren’t aware they “don’t have blond hair.” Perhaps you work with one or socialize with one. Someone who has delusions about themselves, or about howrepparttar 126169 world works. They come in many forms:

·The manager who thinks he’s God ·The marketing director who thinks she’s Venus,repparttar 126170 goddess of Love ·Your friend who thinks he’s Atlas, condemned to carryrepparttar 126171 world on his shoulders ·Your sister who acts like Rapunzel, waiting to be rescued ·Your frantically “busy” neighbor who thinksrepparttar 126172 red shoes will save her ·Your partner, who occasionally thinks he’s Rumpelstiltskin and can straw into gold (or maybe you mistakenly think he can)

One ofrepparttar 126173 best things we can do is gently hold up a mirror to someone to show them who they are. Sometimes we don’t know!

Asrepparttar 126174 Scottish poet, Robert Burns, wrote, “O wad some po’errepparttar 126175 gift tae gie us, tae see oursel’s as aithers see us,” which usually is translated fromrepparttar 126176 Scottish into “I would to Godrepparttar 126177 gift he’d give us to see ourselves as others see us.”


Written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.


“Fashionably late” is no longer in fashion. In today’s heavily scheduled world, it isrepparttar punctual who are respected and admired. Even though most of us know this, some people are always late, no matter how much time they have to get ready. You may be one of them. Do any ofrepparttar 126155 following sound familiar?

** You're always rushing atrepparttar 126156 last minute, even though you've promised yourself countless times that you wouldn't let this happen again.

** You've tried setting your watch several minutes ahead, but you're still late.

** You may be punctual for work (barely) but you're usually at least 20 minutes late for meetings, appointments, class, church, theater or other non-work situations.

** You make excuses, such as: "There was traffic," or "Something came up," or "I was going to call you but I didn't want to be even more late."

** People become impatient or angry at your tardiness.

** You believe that you are more motivated when in a time crunch, or that you move faster under pressure.

If you can identify with 2 or more ofrepparttar 126157 above, you have a problem with punctuality. Chronic lateness is not a psychiatric diagnosis. Nor is it a genetic condition, even though some people treat it as such. They say things like:

"That's justrepparttar 126158 way I am. I don't like it, but it seems that I am incapable of being on time."

"My mother was always late; I'm always late, and so are my kids."

"I don't mean to be late. It just turns out that way."

Chronic lateness is related to procrastination. Latecomers and procrastinators have trouble NOT with time, but with self-discipline. They may also have underlying anxiety aboutrepparttar 126159 task they're faced with.

If you have problems with being punctual, especially for things that are a bit threatening, such as doctor's appointments, new social situations, or meeting with people you don't like, then your lateness is anxiety-based. Putting offrepparttar 126160 inevitable is how your mind tries to cope with anxiety.

But if you are habitually late for routine business and for events that don't cause you much discomfort, thenrepparttar 126161 problem is mainly with self-discipline and your “inner brat,”repparttar 126162 part of you that balks at exerting itself, and at being told what to do.

Here's an example of how your inner brat sabotages your efforts. Suppose that, in order to be at work by 8:00 a.m., you must leave home by 7:30. So you setrepparttar 126163 alarm for 6:30 -- no, let's make it 6:15 just to be safe.

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