Are You Speaking the Same Language in Your Office?Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach
The other day I was talking with a client who was looking for a partner and using one of online dating services. She had requested someone who “liked traditional roles,” and was finding all sorts of surprises when she talked with gentlemen with whom she had been matched. It seems “traditional roles” meant to one man that man works outside home, and woman is homemaker. To another man, it meant both have paying jobs, but woman does cooking, cleaning and childcare, and man does household repairs and lawn work. To yet another man, it meant woman must be monogamous, while man can be polygamous. Our assumptions about language can get us into a lot of trouble in communication, and nowhere is this more common than in workplace. Today’s office typically includes people from different cultures, and business may be conducted with people from other cultures and countries as well. As US becomes more diversified, we can no longer count on having same language or customs within an office. Some examples? In some cultures, contract is binding and stands as it is when completed. In another, it is beginning of a long series of negotiations. In one culture, a handshake means a deal. In another, a contract is needed. In some cultures, a price is fixed and non-negotiable. In many others, bartering is more common, and a price mentioned is just a suggestion to be argued around. In some offices, a deadline is set in stone. In another, it’s always bendable. Even within US, there are a large number of “cultures.” People in south called northerners “Yankees,” and claim they are brusque, and cold. Northerners may talk about inefficiency in south, or long drawn-out conversations which don’t “stick to business.” Even within locations there are differences. San Antonio, Texas, where I live, is over 50% Hispanic. Up road just an hour is a town that was originally a German settlement, and then another hour north, is Austin, state capital, where demographics are yet again quite different. During my years as a fundraiser, writing grants, I discovered many differences as I dealt with city government, county, state and federal. The rules were different within each, in subtle ways I had to learn as I went along.
| | Falling up the StairsWritten by Dr. Freddy Davis
There have been a lot of really good movies made over last several years. There are a lot of bad ones too. And while I try to simply ignore bad efforts, I like to take lessons from those which have profound messages to share. Among more noticeable movies I have seen lately, have been Matrix movies. And, while I don’t like everything about series, I have been totally fascinated by philosophical questions they have posed. At beginning of first Matrix movie, there is a scene where one of female stars is running away from a computer generated security bad guy. She desperately runs through a building, up stairs, out onto roof and then begins jumping from building to building. All while, bad guy is right on her heels. Then, with nowhere left to go, she spots a very small window in building across street. She suddenly makes a mad dash to edge of roof and hurls herself through air like Superman. Her body flies through air and through small window which is barely large enough for her body to go through. As it turns out, this window is in a stairwell, so when she gets through window and hits ground, she rolls down stairs and ends up at bottom all sprawled out. At that point she pulls out her gun and gets ready to shoot, in case her pursuer comes behind her. He doesn’t, and she jumps up and runs to safety. We have all seen movies, some comical and some more serious, where a person falls down stairs. It makes for very good drama. I remember another movie with a similar scene only this one was a martial arts comedy. In it good guy and bad guy were fighting at top of a set of stairs which ran up side of a mountain. After a furious fight, good guy knocked bad guy down stairs. Since it was on side of a mountain, bad guy rolled and rolled and rolled, seemingly forever. Normally this might cause high drama, but it was a comedy and it was made to look very funny. After a while, bad guy crawled all way back to top of stairs. Unfortunately for him, good guy was standing there waiting for him. At this point, bad guy knew it was hopeless. Without even fighting he simply laid down and rolled down steps again - on his own. It was hilarious! Whether it is for high drama or to invoke laughter, falling down stairs makes for a good scene in a movie. But what does it signify? It typically denotes failure, hurt or humiliation. Do you remember ever seeing a movie scene where someone fell “up” stairs. Not likely! That doesn’t quite carry same kind of impact. Taking this imagery and applying it to life, we can look out in society and see people all around who have, figuratively, fallen down stairs of life. There are those who are very tragic figures, such as homeless, drug addicts and winos. Some of these people were once “on top of their game,” but something happened and they fell. There are others who are not completely hopeless, but still they constantly sabotage themselves every time they get to a place in life where they could move to a higher level. Then there are those who never really take life seriously. They aren’t out on street, but they have no ambition to move forward - you know, couch potato crowd. But, honestly, most of us are trying to go other direction. Instead of starting at top of stairs and rolling down, we start on lower steps and have been striving our whole lives to move higher and higher. We are trying to run up stairs, not down. And if we fall, tendency should be to fall forward up stairs, rather than backwards. We may have periods in our lives when we get tripped up, but if we are moving up stairs, it is easy to pick ourselves up and keep going. If we quit trying, that is when we begin fall that takes us downward.
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