Dateline: December 4, 2002. Orange County ,California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight.

The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job when trouble began. Apparently, three men in another car zoomed in front of their car. These men started hurling profanities and flashing obscene gestures at brothers, who returned insults.

Things escalated until a gun was pulled. Rather than backing down, man got out of his car and began walking toward gunman. Two shots rang out, missing man who then continued to walk toward gunman until he was shot and killed.

While this tragic incidence is illustrative of an extreme case of aggressive driving, there are thousands of lesser cases in United States yearly. According to he AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, incidents of aggressive driving have increased by 7% every year since 1990; however, few courts mandate anger management treatment for traffic offenders.

FIVE ZONES OF AGGRESSIVE DRIVING

Research by Dr. Leon James at University of Hawaii reveals five categories of aggressive driving. Which zone do you or a loved one fall in?

THE UNFRIENDLY ZONE - Example: closing ranks to deny someone entering your lane because you’re frustrated or upset.

HOSTILE ZONE - Example: Tailgating to pressure another driver to go faster or get out of way.

VIOLENT ZONE- Example: Making visible obscene gestures at another driver.

LESS MAYHEM ZONE- Example: Pursuing other cars in a chase because of provocation or insult.

MAJOR MAYHEM ZONE - Example: Getting out of car and beating or battering someone as a result of a road exchange.

DO AGGRESSIVE DRIVERS SEE THEMSELVES AS SUCH?

And here we go on communication …

Point number 6 is: “Ask for what you want. Let us be perfectly clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Hints DO NOT WORK!

So I could end article here, except this isn’t about male and female communication, it’s about hints. It’s about communication:

·Communication is much harder than it appears to be. Assume you’re being misunderstood, and also assume you are misunderstanding are two good basic assumptions to make. ·The more you care about person and relationship harder it is to be direct, because stakes of turndown are higher. ·Men aren’t only sex that doesn’t get “hints” ·Hints DO NOT WORK.

Now let me elaborate.

HARD & HARDER

We need to get something straight from beginning. All coaching, all psychology, all Charm School, all Emotional Intelligence, all seminars, lessons and eBooks in world will not get your what you want all time.

That’s a sad fact of life. So more you want it, and more you want it from a certain person, more risk.

There are many situations where we feel we MUST have something. A compliment, a reassurance or a word of comfort from our partner. A project deadline met at work. A contract signed. A larger part of pie. For our child to wear pink dress instead of dirty blue jeans. A date. A marriage.

Never is it guaranteed. The more vague and “hinty” you are about it, less likely you are to get it however. Here’s one reason why. If person has it to give, and wants to give it, they’ll give it. If not, they won’t. Any ‘vagueness’ leaves you in that territory where they can pretend to give you something you pretend you want. And ah, resentment.

It’s easier in long run. Take your “nos” upfront and move on. Either into a more convincing argument, or on to another source, or downgrading “need” to a “preference.”

MEN & HINTS

I don’t see this as particular to male of species. It can exist between sexes, that’s for sure, but I’m afraid to break news that I think it happens between all people.

I’ve had male bosses tell me things that were completely incomprehensible to me. They might as well have been “hints” for all sense they made. I consider, “Produce a pleading,” when I don’t know what a “pleading” is to be “hint.”

Just because women are traditionally ahead in empathy and in area of personal relationships, we consider asking for nurturing or comfort to be hints, but it doesn’t remain just with females.

I think men ask also “hint” for things. They ask for something else when they don’t know how to ask for what they want, or what it’s called, and in that sense, it’s a “hint.”