Anger and your driving

Written by Dr. Tony Fiore

Are you driving underrepparttar influence of impaired emotions?

Dateline: December 4, 2002. Orange County ,California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight.

The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job whenrepparttar 126166 trouble began. Apparently, three men in another car zoomed in front of their car. These men started hurling profanities and flashing obscene gestures atrepparttar 126167 brothers, who returnedrepparttar 126168 insults.

Things escalated until a gun was pulled. Rather than backing down,repparttar 126169 man got out of his car and began walking towardrepparttar 126170 gunman. Two shots rang out, missingrepparttar 126171 man who then continued to walk towardrepparttar 126172 gunman until he was shot and killed.

While this tragic incidence is illustrative of an extreme case of aggressive driving, there are thousands of lesser cases inrepparttar 126173 United States yearly. According to he AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, incidents of aggressive driving have increased by 7% every year since 1990; however, few courts mandate anger management treatment for traffic offenders.


Research by Dr. Leon James atrepparttar 126174 University of Hawaii reveals five categories of aggressive driving. Which zone do you or a loved one fall in?

THE UNFRIENDLY ZONE - Example: closing ranks to deny someone entering your lane because you’re frustrated or upset.

HOSTILE ZONE - Example: Tailgating to pressure another driver to go faster or get out ofrepparttar 126175 way.

VIOLENT ZONE- Example: Making visible obscene gestures at another driver.

LESS MAYHEM ZONE- Example: Pursuing other cars in a chase because of provocation or insult.

MAJOR MAYHEM ZONE - Example: Getting out ofrepparttar 126176 car and beating or battering someone as a result of a road exchange.


According to Dr. James and his research team, drivers who consider themselves as almost perfect in excellence (with no room to improve) also confessed to significantly more aggressiveness than drivers who see themselves as still improving. What this means is that despite their self-confessed aggressiveness, 2 out of 3 drivers still insist on seeing themselves as near perfect drivers with almost no room to improve. These drivers see “the other guy” asrepparttar 126177 problem and thus do not look at their own aggressive driving behavior.

Mastering the Fine Art of Hinting

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Currently circulatingrepparttar Internet is “Man’s Rules”. The sender requests you send it on to all females, so that women will “finally understand men.” It’s a list of things men want women to understand, and like all humor, it makes a point. Then again to men it might not be so humorous.

And here we go on communication …

Point number 6 is: “Ask for what you want. Let us be perfectly clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Hints DO NOT WORK!

So I could endrepparttar 126165 article here, except this isn’t about male and female communication, it’s about hints. It’s about communication:

·Communication is much harder than it appears to be. Assume you’re being misunderstood, and also assume you are misunderstanding are two good basic assumptions to make. ·The more you care aboutrepparttar 126166 person andrepparttar 126167 relationshiprepparttar 126168 harder it is to be direct, becauserepparttar 126169 stakes ofrepparttar 126170 turndown are higher. ·Men aren’trepparttar 126171 only sex that doesn’t get “hints” ·Hints DO NOT WORK.

Now let me elaborate.


We need to get something straight fromrepparttar 126172 beginning. Allrepparttar 126173 coaching, allrepparttar 126174 psychology, allrepparttar 126175 Charm School, allrepparttar 126176 Emotional Intelligence, allrepparttar 126177 seminars, lessons and eBooks inrepparttar 126178 world will not get your what you want allrepparttar 126179 time.

That’s a sad fact of life. Sorepparttar 126180 more you want it, andrepparttar 126181 more you want it from a certain person,repparttar 126182 morerepparttar 126183 risk.

There are many situations where we feel we MUST have something. A compliment, a reassurance or a word of comfort from our partner. A project deadline met at work. A contract signed. A larger part ofrepparttar 126184 pie. For our child to wearrepparttar 126185 pink dress instead ofrepparttar 126186 dirty blue jeans. A date. A marriage.

Never is it guaranteed. The more vague and “hinty” you are about it,repparttar 126187 less likely you are to get it however. Here’s one reason why. Ifrepparttar 126188 person has it to give, and wants to give it, they’ll give it. If not, they won’t. Any ‘vagueness’ leaves you in that territory where they can pretend to give you something you pretend you want. And ah,repparttar 126189 resentment.

It’s easier inrepparttar 126190 long run. Take your “nos” upfront and move on. Either into a more convincing argument, or on to another source, or downgradingrepparttar 126191 “need” to a “preference.”


I don’t see this as particular torepparttar 126192 male ofrepparttar 126193 species. It can exist betweenrepparttar 126194 sexes, that’s for sure, but I’m afraid to breakrepparttar 126195 news that I think it happens between all people.

I’ve had male bosses tell me things that were completely incomprehensible to me. They might as well have been “hints” for allrepparttar 126196 sense they made. I consider, “Produce a pleading,” when I don’t know what a “pleading” is to be “hint.”

Just because women are traditionally ahead in empathy and inrepparttar 126197 area of personal relationships, we consider asking for nurturing or comfort to be hints, but it doesn’t remain just with females.

I think men ask also “hint” for things. They ask for something else when they don’t know how to ask for what they want, or what it’s called, and in that sense, it’s a “hint.”

Take kids for instance – always a safer topic, right? When your three year scoops his plate offrepparttar 126198 table and on torepparttar 126199 floor he’s “hinting” that he doesn’t like something. I almost wrote “doesn’t like what’s being served,” but it could be anything with a three year old, and that’srepparttar 126200 trouble with “hints.” Maybe it wasn’trepparttar 126201 carrots butrepparttar 126202 plate or his little sister.

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