Anger and you relationships

Written by Dr Tony Fiore

“Dr. Fiore,”repparttar voice onrepparttar 126167 phone pleaded, “I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it’s over until I get help.”

As Kevin recountedrepparttar 126168 first night of class, he and his girlfriend had argued inrepparttar 126169 car over which route to take home from a party. Events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling and name calling.

Things escalated at home. He tried to escape, but she followed him from room to room, demanding resolution ofrepparttar 126170 conflict. He became angry, defensive and intimidating.

Frightened, she left. Later, she left an anguished message saying that she loved him, but couldn't deal with his angry, hurtful outbursts.

Kevin said that he normally is a very “nice” and friendly person. But, on this occasion, his girlfriend had been drinking beforerepparttar 126171 party. In his view, she was irrational, and non-stop in criticism. He tried to reason with her, but it just made things worse. Finally, as Kevin saw things, in desperation he “lost it” and became enraged.

How should Kevin have handled this situation? What could he have done differently? What actions should you take in similar situations?

Option 1: Time-out Take a 20 minute time-out (but commit to returning later to work onrepparttar 126172 issue). Take a walk. Calm yourself down. Breath deeply. Meditate. Do something else for awhile. New research by John Gottman, Ph.D., atrepparttar 126173 University of Washington indicates that when you and your partner argue, your pulse rate goes above 100 beats per minute, and you enter a physiological state called DPA (diffuse physiological arousal). Once there, it becomes nearly impossible to solverepparttar 126174 problem. You lose perspective. Your reasoning ability, memory, and judgment, greatly decline.

Taking a time-out allows both of you to return to your normal state of mind.

It is neither healthy or necessary for you to explode as a result of being provoked by your partner. Our recommendation: Turnrepparttar 126175 heat down rather than intensifyingrepparttar 126176 pressure.

Option 2: Interact differently Many couples like Keith and his partner develop patterns of behavior that create miscommunication and conflict. Do you interact in one, or more, of these ways? Inattention - simply ignoring your partner when you shouldn’t. This is also called stonewalling, or being emotionally unavailable when your partner needs you, or not speaking to your partner for long periods because you are upset with them.

Anger and your driving

Written by Dr. Tony Fiore

Are you driving underrepparttar influence of impaired emotions?

Dateline: December 4, 2002. Orange County ,California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight.

The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job whenrepparttar 126166 trouble began. Apparently, three men in another car zoomed in front of their car. These men started hurling profanities and flashing obscene gestures atrepparttar 126167 brothers, who returnedrepparttar 126168 insults.

Things escalated until a gun was pulled. Rather than backing down,repparttar 126169 man got out of his car and began walking towardrepparttar 126170 gunman. Two shots rang out, missingrepparttar 126171 man who then continued to walk towardrepparttar 126172 gunman until he was shot and killed.

While this tragic incidence is illustrative of an extreme case of aggressive driving, there are thousands of lesser cases inrepparttar 126173 United States yearly. According to he AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, incidents of aggressive driving have increased by 7% every year since 1990; however, few courts mandate anger management treatment for traffic offenders.


Research by Dr. Leon James atrepparttar 126174 University of Hawaii reveals five categories of aggressive driving. Which zone do you or a loved one fall in?

THE UNFRIENDLY ZONE - Example: closing ranks to deny someone entering your lane because you’re frustrated or upset.

HOSTILE ZONE - Example: Tailgating to pressure another driver to go faster or get out ofrepparttar 126175 way.

VIOLENT ZONE- Example: Making visible obscene gestures at another driver.

LESS MAYHEM ZONE- Example: Pursuing other cars in a chase because of provocation or insult.

MAJOR MAYHEM ZONE - Example: Getting out ofrepparttar 126176 car and beating or battering someone as a result of a road exchange.


According to Dr. James and his research team, drivers who consider themselves as almost perfect in excellence (with no room to improve) also confessed to significantly more aggressiveness than drivers who see themselves as still improving. What this means is that despite their self-confessed aggressiveness, 2 out of 3 drivers still insist on seeing themselves as near perfect drivers with almost no room to improve. These drivers see “the other guy” asrepparttar 126177 problem and thus do not look at their own aggressive driving behavior.

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