And This Unto YouWritten by Abigail Dotson
My mom says I was born tense. Tense and intense. When she tells story of how I was born, amidst drama and gesticulation, I feel a little sad to know that I am this child she speaks of. I was taken from womb dead asleep, a planned caesarean woken up by foreign hands of outside world when all I knew was comfort of my prenatal solitude. My body froze with fright, carrying weight, it seems, of an entire lifetime of stress at infantile age of birth. When she speaks of way she could hear me screaming day and night in nursery just a few doors down, and of her helplessness in coming to my rescue, I feel aftermath both of her helplessness and of my own. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to shake. When my incessant wailing finally subsided and my parents were able to hold me, as my mom goes on to tell story, I still could not calm my nervous body, so small and fragile, a mere seven pounds carrying at least that weight in stress. She speaks of way I would never relax, how even in sleep she would watch me and my curled toes and clenched fists. And I have this vision, this vision of my young mother’s eyes, peering in on her sleeping infant way I imagine every parent does. The way I have watched my own daughter sleepily after midnight feedings when my eyes won’t close again. And I think of way my mother must have viewed me, no more than a week of life in a tiny body but with a soul already tainted by frightening beginnings of such a difficult world. And I think that as she watched me sleep, she must have cried for so much love... I think she must have seen that life is hard. I was born nearly thirty years ago to a mother younger than I am now. The child my mother birthed before me had been a c-section and thus my path was set long before I ever materialized. I was a planned c-section,
| | Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your TeenagersWritten by V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed.
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us. To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will encourage your teenager to talk to you, as opposed to fearing you, first step is to evaluate your communication style. How you express yourself and what you say to your teens, especially when you are angry, can inhibit your relationship with them. Reacting by shouting short sarcastic phrases will usually turn off most people, including our teenagers. The following are twelve examples of statements and questions that you should avoid saying:
1. When I was your age 2. What part of word "NO" don't you understand 3. Because I said so 4. Who pays mortgage around here? 5. You're NOT going out dressed like that 6. What do you see in him, you can do better 7. You kids have it so easy today 8. I didn't say that 9. You live under my roof, you live by my rules 10. Are you PMSing? 11. When are you going to grow up? 12. This conversation is over Activity: Think through things that you say that are similar to above, and create a list. Then, meet with your teen and ask her for her input. Explain that you are doing this because you love her and want her to trust you and to not fear coming to you to discuss things that are important to her. Go over list and then ask your teen to add any statements that you may have missed. For example, you can say, “Tell me things that I say to you that you feel are hurtful; or prevent you from wanting to talk to me about important issues.” Add them to list and make a mental note of them. Then, ask your teen to tell you when you react to her behavior and use any of those phrases.
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