And This Unto You

Written by Abigail Dotson


My mom says I was born tense. Tense and intense. When she tellsrepparttar story of how I was born, amidstrepparttar 111012 drama and gesticulation, I feel a little sad to know that I am this child she speaks of. I was taken fromrepparttar 111013 womb dead asleep, a planned caesarean woken up byrepparttar 111014 foreign hands ofrepparttar 111015 outside world when all I knew wasrepparttar 111016 comfort of my prenatal solitude. My body froze with fright, carryingrepparttar 111017 weight, it seems, of an entire lifetime of stress atrepparttar 111018 infantile age of birth. When she speaks ofrepparttar 111019 way she could hear me screaming day and night inrepparttar 111020 nursery just a few doors down, and of her helplessness in coming to my rescue, I feelrepparttar 111021 aftermath both of her helplessness and of my own. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to shake. When my incessant wailing finally subsided and my parents were able to hold me, as my mom goes on to tellrepparttar 111022 story, I still could not calm my nervous body, so small and fragile, a mere seven pounds carrying at least that weight in stress. She speaks ofrepparttar 111023 way I would never relax, how even in sleep she would watch me and my curled toes and clenched fists. And I have this vision, this vision of my young mother’s eyes, peering in on her sleeping infantrepparttar 111024 way I imagine every parent does. The way I have watched my own daughter sleepily after midnight feedings when my eyes won’t close again. And I think ofrepparttar 111025 way my mother must have viewed me, no more than a week of life in a tiny body but with a soul already tainted byrepparttar 111026 frightening beginnings of such a difficult world. And I think that as she watched me sleep, she must have cried for so much love... I think she must have seen that life is hard.

I was born nearly thirty years ago to a mother younger than I am now. The child my mother birthed before me had been a c-section and thus my path was set long before I ever materialized. I was a planned c-section,

Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Written by V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed.


Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us.

To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will encourage your teenager to talk to you, as opposed to fearing you,repparttar first step is to evaluate your communication style. How you express yourself and what you say to your teens, especially when you are angry, can inhibit your relationship with them. Reacting by shouting short sarcastic phrases will usually turn off most people, including our teenagers.

The following are twelve examples of statements and questions that you should avoid saying:

1. When I was your age
2. What part ofrepparttar 111011 word "NO" don't you understand
3. Because I said so
4. Who paysrepparttar 111012 mortgage around here?
5. You're NOT going out dressed like that
6. What do you see in him, you can do better
7. You kids have it so easy today
8. I didn't say that
9. You live under my roof, you live by my rules
10. Are you PMSing?
11. When are you going to grow up?
12. This conversation is over

Activity:
Think throughrepparttar 111013 things that you say that are similar torepparttar 111014 above, and create a list. Then, meet with your teen and ask her for her input. Explain that you are doing this because you love her and want her to trust you and to not fear coming to you to discuss things that are important to her. Go overrepparttar 111015 list and then ask your teen to add any statements that you may have missed.

For example, you can say, “Tell merepparttar 111016 things that I say to you that you feel are hurtful; or prevent you from wanting to talk to me about important issues.” Add them torepparttar 111017 list and make a mental note of them. Then, ask your teen to tell you when you react to her behavior and use any of those phrases.


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