Like far too many people I lived in and was raised by a family who believed
bottle and co-dependency was better then dealing with "real world", real problems and real children.So, I learned to be: The Chameleon Girl, ready to change to conform to anyone's mood, to leap to conclusions at a single bound, to become fearful faster then a rational thought. I yearned to be something..anything special. I searched for meaning of me..who am I..what do I believe. I did not know..could not know...was never given freedom to learn how to explore world, my opinions, my desires. To do that would be terrifying to my mother, father; it would have been seen as a denial of them, abandonment of them.
It was through me that my mother lived her life, and through me that my father found his comfort. I was confused and fearful. The only place I felt loved and cared for was at school and during Mass. It was there that I longed to become what I loved: A priest. I was crush when I could not become a priest, a woman preist. I felt lost.
In search of myself, my need to service God's people, I went to college to become a Social Worker. I married my college sweetheart, we created four wonderful children: two boys and twin girls.
During my early years of marriage, and being a mother, I worked part time dealing with Family in Crisis. It was demanding exhausting work with little reward. I discovered that many of troubles that were present were from how families saw themselves and each other: It was atmosphere that was created.
My own experiences as a child, my work as a social worker, and my disenchantment with STEP as a parenting technique; I came to learn how important it was for me to be fully human and more positive, and "proactive", not just letting fate decide how I was to act about any situation, or let fear lead me as a parent.
Why disenchantment with STEP? I believe that STEP, while having many marvelous things going for it, stops short when trying to help families come out of their destructive patterns. The emphasis is on child, not parent. Parenting is one of most profound and intense interrelationships we will have in our life times. Far more intense than our relationships with people with whom we chose. These relationships are “born” from us. Many of us see our children as extensions of ourselves and that often gets us into relationship and parenting difficulties. Women who believe that their issues are dealt with find that parenting brings hidden issues to fore.
