Valentine's Day can range from annoying to dreadful when you aren't paired, so let's put a new spin on this!You probably feel sorry for yourself because you're
Only One who's alone, but if you're alone you're NOT alone. According to American Association for Single people, 82 million men and women in United States are unmarried.
If you define adults as those over 18, 44% of US adults are single. By 2010, it should be 47.2%. That's getting very close to half. What will we do then? Rename holiday? Abolish it? Or will those of us who are single rise up and demand our OWN holiday? An UNValentine's Day?? Holidays DO disappear, you know. When I was young, we celebrated May Day. Honestly, you bought Hallmark paper basket kits, you assembled them, you filled them with fresh flowers and placed them on your neighbors' doorsteps. I am not making this up.
But I am digressing.
Back to my point. A LOT of us are single, so you AREN'T alone if you're alone on Valentine 's Day. If that doesn't make you feel better, try these things, which will be just a little tongue in cheek, because I want to ramp you out of your position of feeling sorry for yourself. I've tried most of these, BTW, having been single longer than some of you have been alive, and they work!
This is old - if you can't change IT, change your FEELINGS toward it. FREUD!!!
How could we not mention F-R-E-U-D on national ^romantic^ holiday? Remember Freud's "defense mechanisms"? A common misconception is that they're all "bad," but actually we need our defense mechanisms. They're helpful! We need our defense mechanisms to:
1. Minimize anxiety 2. Protect ego 3. Maintain repression a.It prevents discomfort b.It leads to some economy of time and effort
I'm sure you're with me now that if you plan to, um, GET THROUGH VALENTINE'S DAY AS A SINGLE, a defense mechanism or 10 might come in handy.
So here we go.
DEFENSE, DEFINITION & APPLICATION
1. Affiliation: Dealing with emotional conflict and stressors (hereinafter referred to as "it") by turning to others for help or support. Valentine Application (VA): This is a great defense! Call your coach! Commiserate with friends. Talk to your sweet Mom.
2. Aim Inhibition: Limiting ^instinctual demands^, accepting partial fulfillment. VA: Invite a platonic boyfriend out for Valentine's Day and pretend it's all you really wanted. Who needs mad, passionate sex when you can talk about QuikBooks for three hours at Chili's, right?
3. Altruism: Deal with it by meeting needs of others. VA: Do as I've done. Choose someone to shower with your affection - a grand-daughter works! Go out and buy all things you'd want yourself - perfume, flowers, fluffy pink sweater, do it up big! Wrap 'em up, carry them over there, take her out and wine and dine her and savor! Feels great!
4. Anticipation: Deal with it by experiencing emotional reactions in advance of possible future events and considering realistic alternative responses or solutions. VA: Well, that's what we're doing here. We're circumventing a lousy Valentine's Day, and making our plans otherwise. How cool is that?
