Title: Addiction to Thinking Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 789 Category: Emotional Healing, Addicitons

ADDICTION TO THINKING By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.

Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Randall’s ego wounded self believed that he could control connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Title: Time For Connection Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 631 Category: Relationships

TIME FOR CONNECTION By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Gretta and David fell deeply in love in their mid 50’s. They were both astounded at level of passion they experienced.

At beginning of their relationship, nothing got in way of their time together - not chores, children, work, friends, or "stuff". Nothing was more important than their time together.

However, when they got married and started living together, their passion seemed to fall by wayside. Sometimes they didn’t make love for weeks at a time. They called me for a session to see what was wrong.

Half way into session, David hit nail on head. "We never seem to have time for each other anymore."

"What are you doing with your time now?" I asked. "Getting stuff done," they answered.

"Why is getting stuff done more important than time together?" I asked.

As we explored this question, both Gretta and David discovered that they had been brought up with a strong work ethic: "Get everything done before relaxing." "Work before play." What they didn’t realize was that their "doing" was in way of their "being." Without having time to be, they had no emotional and spiritual connection with each other, or with themselves. Without their connection, there was no desire to express themselves sexually, especially for Gretta. Gretta complained that she didn’t feel connected with David and didn’t enjoy sex without connection, yet she made no room in her day for time to connect.