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Title: Addiction to Talking Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 742 Category: Self Improvement
Addiction to Talking By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
There is an old joke about people who talk a lot: “Do you know 12-Step program for people who talk a lot? On and On Anon!”
The joke recognizes that fact that incessant talking is a common addiction.
Non-stop talking is about using others for attention and approval because of not giving oneself enough attention and approval. The talker is not actually offering anything to listener. Instead, talker, in going on and on with a monologue, is pulling energy from listener. People who end up listening to a talker go on and on are often caretakers who are afraid to hurt talker by disengaging or by telling truth about their boredom.
Talkers are often needy people who attempt to assuage their emptiness by trapping people into listening to them. For example, I’ve seen people telling a bank teller their life story, while trapped teller doesn’t know how to disengage without being impolite. The problem is that one of reasons these people are without friends is that no one wants to be with them. It’s draining to be at other end of a needy person who uses talking as a way to fill up.
If you are addicted to talking, perhaps you believe that you are being interesting when you go on and on about yourself. However, you might reconsider truth of this belief if you find that many people avoid you. Most people will not tell you truth – that they feel tired, drained and trapped in your presence, and bored by your talking. Not wanting to offend you, they just stay away rather speak their truth. They don’t answer phone when they know it’s you, and they find any excuse to not spend time with you. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s that they don’t want to be used by you to fill up your emptiness.
