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Title: Addiction to Self-Judgment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 704 Category: Self Improvement

Addiction to Self-Judgment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.” “No one could love me. I’m not lovable.”

…and so on and so on.

Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?

In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.

All of these questions have merit and I will examine each in this article.

Self progression has a strong tie to one’s willingness to be able to reflect on pertinent decisions. Moreover, this task, if done daily and immediately after an action or decision, can bear much fruit.

Have you ever sat and stared out at something beautiful like a glassy lake or a foggy mountain and simply thought about your life and what it seemingly means?

This, simply put, is nuts and bolts of introspection. To introspect is, in basic terms, reflecting or self examining what certain things mean to you. Introspection allows you to ask yourself why you should or shouldn’t have done something a certain way.

Asking poignant, yet logical, questions to yourself and resolving to come out more insightful because of this action, clears ambiguities of life.

Becoming accountable to yourself as well as others is an extremely empowering concept. This means that whatever comes around bend or up hill, you are resolved to face it without worry of contaminating something due to your actions or lack thereof.

This, in turn, certainly becomes a sort of purification process and eases any turmoils that rattle your subconscious. It’s truly beneficial to resist stagnation, strive for self progression, and discover introspection’s significant importance.

Without a doubt, many people would argue that past is just past, and rehashing it is merely a waste of time, so just move forward.

Well, moving forward is one thing. However, dissecting your recent and long-term past, is truly only way we can learn from our mistakes, keeping those lessons learned always in our back pocket.