Addiction to Complaining Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: Addiction to Complaining Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 723 Category: Self Improvement Addiction to Complaining By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don’t remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don’t think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother’s mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was – and God knows I tried to be perfect! – she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father. Over years of counseling others, I’ve noticed that some people start every session with a complaint. They can’t seem to help it. Like my mother, they are addicted to complaining. Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain? People who complain are generally people who have not done emotional and spiritual work of developing a loving, compassionate inner adult self. They are operating as a wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion. Because they have not learned to give themselves attention and compassion they need, they seek to get these needs met by others. Complaining is a way they have learned to attempt to get this. They use complaining as a form of control, hoping to guilt others into giving them attention, caring and compassion they seek. Complaining is a “pull” on other people. Energetically, complainers are pulling on others for caring and understanding because they have emotionally abandoned themselves. They are like demanding little children. The problem is that most people dislike being pulled on and demanded of. Most people don’t want emotional responsibility for another person and will withdraw in face of another’s complaints. This is what my father did. He withdrew, shut down, was emotionally unavailable to my mother as a way to protect himself from being controlled by her complaints. Of course, he didn’t just do this in response to my mother. He had learned to withdraw as a child in response to his own mother’s complaints and criticism. He entered marriage ready to withdraw in face of my mother’s pull, while she entered marriage ready to make my father emotionally responsible for her. A perfect match!
| | Do You Think You Have Depression?Written by David Smith
Do you have days where nothing can make you happy? You are not alone. I ignored my depressive thoughts about life for years. Unfortunately I didn't do anything to fix my situation until they became so dehabilitating that I had no choice.Mental disorders are common in United States and internationally. In a given year, an estimated 22.1% of Americans aged 18 and older (about 1 in 5 adults) suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. According to 1998 United States Census population estimate, this figure translates to 44.3 million people! In addition, 4 of 10 leading causes of disability in U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders, with major depression being leading cause of disability. It is estimated that depression alone will occur in approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5% of United States population aged 18 or above. If you are a woman, you are twice as likely than a man (12% vs. 6.6%) to be affected by depression each year. My symptoms of depression started with an occasional case of blahs. I was able to cope with them for a long time. I thought that since this happens to a lot of people, that it would pass and I didn't need to worry. I didn't think about finding out why it was happening. Besides, after a few drinks I always felt much better. I later learned that depressive disorders commonly occur with substance abuse… So what is cause of all of this sadness in our society? Speaking from experience, I wasn't happy with my life and direction it was taking me. I would look back at a past week and not be able to recall one thing that I enjoyed. It was a blur. Nor would I look forward to coming weeks ahead. All I saw were potential stresses that were going to present themselves. But I didn't do anything about it. I accepted that this was life. Looking back I don't know how I could have ever believed this.
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