Addiction to ClutterWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: Addiction to Clutter Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 797 Category: Addictions, Self Improvement Addiction to Clutter Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Clutter is a big problem for many people. At a lecture that I gave, I asked for a show of hands regarding how many people had problems with clutter and disorganization. I was surprised to find that at least half people raised their hands. One of my clients told me that she was trying to help her sister get back on her feet after her sister had been laid up with an illness and lost her job. Her sister’s house had always been a mess, and had become so filled with clutter that there was no place to walk or sit. My client, Rebecca, offered to buy her sister a car if she would clean up her house. Rebecca even offered to help her sister clean up house. Rebecca was shocked when her sister refused offer, even though she desperately needed car. He sister was unwilling to get rid of clutter. Why? Why was “stuff” so important to her? Underneath all addictions lies fear - of emptiness, helplessness, loneliness and aloneness. Addictions are a way to feel safe from feeling these difficult and painful feelings, and an addiction to clutter is no exception. It’s all about having a sense of control over feeling safe. Clutter, like all addictions, provides a momentary feeling of comfort. However, as with any addiction, clutterer needs more and more clutter to maintain illusion of safety and comfort. When my mother died and my son was cleaning out her house, he discovered huge amounts of clutter. While my mother’s house always looked neat and clean, cupboards and drawers were filled with clutter. My son told me he found 6 broken hair dryers in one cabinet. Why would my mother want to keep six broken hair dryers? My mother grew up during depression and always had a fear of not having enough. No matter how much she accumulated materially, she never felt that she had enough. The six hair dryers made her feel safe from her fear, even if they didn’t work. Carrie has trouble throwing things away, especially magazines with “important’ information in them. She subscribes to many magazines but, being mother of three small children, doesn’t often have time to read them. So magazines pile up and pile up. Carrie hopes at some point to have time to read them, but that time never seems to come. When asked why she won’t throw them out, her answer is, “Because there might be something important in them and I don’t want to miss it.” Carrie fears missing out on some important piece of information – information that may give her peace she is seeking. It makes her feel safer and in control to have all magazines around her with their important information, even if she never gets to read them.
| | The Gift of FailureWritten by Jean Fritz
During this Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to reflect on bounty in our lives. Most of us have jobs, family, a place we call home and food on table, and for these things and our ability to obtain them we should be grateful.But what about those who are struggling with financial difficulties, bad relationships, or employment problems? Do they owe any thanks for their circumstances? Can failure really be a gift in disguise? FAILURES TEACH US ABOUT PROCESS Thomas Edison tried over 9,000 designs before he created a working light bulb. A young reporter asked him how he felt after having failed 9,000 times. Edison replied, "I didn't fail - I just learned 9,000 ways how not to make a light bulb." Failure is often a clue to redirect our efforts in a different direction, and to follow a different set of plans. How many times have we learned how not to sell a product, how not to get a new job, or how not to judge a future mate? If a series of failures leads us to open our minds to new knowledge or information, or gives us willingness to try different behaviors, then we haven't failed, we've learned how to create different results. FAILURES TEACH US ABOUT OURSELVES During '40s, a young Jewish boy chose to forego academia in order to pursue his dream of becoming another Benny Goodman. Against his parents' wishes, he began playing in a jazz band. His musical talents were less than sterling, and soon he realized he was just another musician teetering on brink of unemployment. Unlike many of his fellow musicians, he was able to manage income he had, so those periods of unemployment weren't nearly as devastating for him as they were for others. His musical colleagues recognized his talent for money management, and soon they had hired him to manage their finances - for a fee. This caused young man to rethink his career goals, and changed course of his life. This failure's name is Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, who has been credited with performing an economic impossibility - sustaining long term economic growth without stimulating inflation. His failure taught him that money, rather than music, was his forté, and we have all benefitted from that epiphany.
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