Addiction to Blame

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


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Title: Addiction to Blame Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 832 Category: Emotional Healing, Addiction

Addiction to Blame By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop blaming her allrepparttar 130067 time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he didn’t knowrepparttar 130068 answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he didn’t get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he couldn’t seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her.

As I explored various situations with Allen, it became apparent that he was not just blaming his wife. Allen was constantly blaming and judging himself. He would verbally beat himself up for mistakes, telling himself things like, “I’m such a jerk,” and would often say very negative things to himself, such as, “Things will never get any better,” or “I’m just a loser,” or “I’m a big disappointment to myself.” He would then feel angry and agitated as a result of abusing himself, but he never connected his anger with his self-judgment. Instead, he would dump his anger on his wife, or yell at other drivers onrepparttar 130069 freeway.

It became apparent to Allen that he would not be able to stop blaming his wife until he stopped blaming and judging himself. His addiction to blaming others was a direct result of his self-abuse.

The problem was that Allen had learned to be very self-indulgent regarding his thoughts. He let his thoughts run rampant, never stopping to discern whether or not what he was telling himself wasrepparttar 130070 truth or was a lie. As a result, he was constantly allowingrepparttar 130071 wounded part of himself, his ego self, to be in charge. And this part of him was filled with allrepparttar 130072 lies he had learned inrepparttar 130073 46 years of his life.

Allen was appalled when he realized that all his anger at others was really his anger at himself for abusing himself. He was projecting onto others what he was doing to himself. He saw that he was especially sensitive to others’ judgment because he was so judgmental of himself.

The Joy of Meaningful Work

Written by Jan-Marie Dore


The search for meaning in life and in work has been a very powerful, enduring theme in every culture. Many of us have reflected on our work andrepparttar meaning it has in our lives. Developing a rewarding career is closely linked to enjoying a more meaningful life. A poll taken byrepparttar 130064 Gallup Organization in 2001 indicated that less than 30 percent of people are fully engaged at work. Until recently, a job was simply a way to earn a living. Many people have come to regard work as a necessary evil, something they must do in order to pay for all their needs and wants. But today, our need for personal job satisfaction and for striking an appropriate career/life balance has taken on greater importance. There has been a movement worldwide to view work as a means to fulfillment rather than just a chore. Organizations are recognizingrepparttar 130065 need to offer their employees not only financial incentives, but also ways to find meaning and purpose in their jobs. There is a renewed interest in finding meaning in work and in life, and a yearning to be involved in something greater than ourselves. Most of us spend a lot of valuable time working. We spend more time at work than we do with our families, rejuvenating ourselves, in nature, or in our places of worship. Yet, most of us are just too busy to pursue meaning. We are on automatic pilot through most of our busy workdays. Work is no longer providing a sense of personal significance for most people. This failure to actively engage in our work keeps us from finding meaning, and leads to increasing feelings of dissatisfaction and a loss of purpose. Career and achievement are one ofrepparttar 130066 major sources of meaning in anyone's life. If your work doesn't feed your spirit, you may be feeling tired, drained, and depleted byrepparttar 130067 end ofrepparttar 130068 day. That's a good indication that you're inrepparttar 130069 wrong job. Finding fulfilling work is challenging but very rewarding. You don't have to continue doing work you don't enjoy just because it’s what you've always done. The bottom line is that your work and career are adjustable, and you are in control. WHAT MAKES WORK MEANINGFUL? The intersection of work and meaning occurs when you are using your energy inrepparttar 130070 service of what matters most to you.

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