When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was inappropriate to befriend me. She did not operate with
social belief that she should choose her friends only from people her own age. We became very close friends and remained so until her death at age of eight-two.
When Doris turned seventy-five, she was already widowed. The week she turned seventy-five, Doris threw two birthday parties for herself, one on a Wednesday night, and one on Saturday. Over thirty different people attended each party. I was only person invited to both. In all, about seventy of Doris’ friends came that week to celebrate her birthday. On both nights many people stayed until past one in morning.
As I looked around room at both parties that week in amazement, I noticed that people attending her birthday parties were of all ages. They included toddlers, teens, middle-aged people, and elderly.
Doris had never restricted herself to making friends only within her own age group. She had always made it a point to befriend people of all ages. Consequently, she did not suffer same social fate so many elderly people face when their circle of same-age friends starts to dwindle from sickness and death. I hoped that when I was same age as Doris that I would be able to have as many friends and acquaintances gathered to help celebrate my birthday.
I didn’t know any other people her age who could throw two birthday parties in one week, and have seventy people show up. I wondered how Doris had made so many friends.
She had never been wealthy, but over years Doris and her husband had made a practice of opening their hearts and their home to many people. They not only befriended a lot of people and maintained those friendships over years, but they also befriended children of their friends, and stayed friends with younger generation.
I noticed that whenever I brought some of my own friends with me to visit Doris, she never treated my friends as expendable people that she would never see again.
She was gracious and kind and interested in all of them. Her caring about each human being was always apparent. When we finished our visit, Doris would often extend an invitation to friends I had brought to come and visit her again, and many of them did so.
When she issued invitations Doris never seemed as if she were inviting people because she was lonely or desperate for company. Her invitations were always genuinely joyful. She loved meeting people and wanted to see them again.
As Doris neared end of her life, she became very ill and very poor. Yet, she never lacked for love and support from many friends she had kept making throughout her whole life.
I learned something important that week at Doris’ two birthday parties. I realized that we make a big mistake if we tell young and middle-aged people to invest their money for their old age, but neglect to tell them that it is at least as important to invest in relationships with other people.
