“Since we cannot change reality, let us change eyes which see reality”. Mikos Kazantzakis

Oh, how we all try to control or change what happens in our lives. Never quite accepting life for what is has to offer. Acceptance has been a hard lesson for me to learn, as I expect it has been for others as well. Can you imagine time, effort and energy involved in constantly fighting your circumstances? Wishing things were different, thinking negative thoughts, worrying, controlling, manipulating, becoming angry and bitter. These are all negative emotions that cause anxiety, fear, fatigue, illness – and they just plain drain us! Instead of US controlling our circumstances, our circumstances end up controlling US. It’s a bit of a paradox, but if it is peace, serenity, and well being that you desire – above behaviors and emotions won’t get you there! Actually, they will only attract more negativity.

I have faced many struggles and each time I thought if I worried enough, obsessed enough, did this or that, I could get this wicked “problem” under control and shove it out of my life for good. That way my life could be perfect, with no issues. Well isn’t that a prime example of ego at its best! All I got in return were sleepless nights, medical problems, tears, and frustration. Plus, my negativity attracted more of same problems.

My “problems” included being involved in an abusive marriage at age 16, no high school diploma, no work skills, no drivers license. Then my problems included a divorce after eight-year abusive marriage, single parenthood for six years, financial and career issues, family issues, spiritual issues……………………..

I construed all of above as “problems” when in reality they were growth opportunities. Apparently I needed that growth but I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t see positives. I also didn’t see that I had many choices and some of things that were happening to me could have been avoided, had I made different choices.

Doesn’t it seem like more you focus on an issue – bigger it gets, worse it gets, and more of it you get? Doesn’t it also seem like sometimes we continue to be faced with adversity until we “get” whatever lesson we are supposed to learn. I guess I just wasn’t “getting it” because I had one problem after another. And since I kept focusing on them, worrying, and trying to change them – more I attracted. I became angry, bitter, and felt like a victim. At some point I realized that I needed to ACCEPT life and not fight it so hard. Life is not only made up of good times but also struggles and adversity. We are all responsible for our own feelings, actions and choices. I was making things ten times worse for myself by refusing to see positives, resisting lessons, and viewing life unrealistically. The world is not and should not be perfect. I found that by failing to accept life’s challenges, I was failing to accept life itself.

If you can relate to that description, you probably recognize that midlife career change is both easier and harder than starting out in world of work. Change is easier because you have resources to grease rails. You have savings, equity in your house, and a retirement fund. More important, you have acquired skills, contacts and networks. You may be able to use resources of your current employer to develop new skills.

On other hand, change is hard because you have invested in your career identity. In my relocation book, Making Big Move (New Harbinger 1999), I emphasize that moving is stressful because identity is interrupted. The change is equally stressful when you relocate your career.

Often people focus on skills and activities they want to incorporate into their new careers, but ignore impact on identity. Yet I have seen people falter and give up on new careers because they were uncomfortable with new way they had to define themselves. Just saying, "I am…" creates a new reality.