A Zen Look at Dating & Religious Beliefs

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

You’re dating and your religious beliefs are different. How much difference does this make?

The answer is: Another person’s religious beliefs are important to you torepparttar degree they’re important to you.

This may sound like beggingrepparttar 126129 question, but it’s an important thing to ‘get’.

Assuming you’re looking for marriage, you need to make a “must have” and “can’t stand” list. If certain religious beliefs go into either group, pay attention to them, because you won’t be happy if they aren’t there (or are and shouldn’t be) andrepparttar 126130 relationship won’t work inrepparttar 126131 long run.

Beggingrepparttar 126132 question is what Zen is all about. The koan can mean you’re asking a question no one knowsrepparttar 126133 answer to, or that you don’t need an answer to, or you knowrepparttar 126134 answer as well as anyone, you just don’t know it by reason (which is limited).

Inrepparttar 126135 case of religious beliefs,repparttar 126136 emotionally intelligent thing to do is to figure out what you want (work with a coach for clarity; it’s worth it) and then experiencerepparttar 126137 person.

Word your religious “must haves” and “can’t stands” precisely. Do you mean adherence to a certain set of principals as espoused by a certain faith, such as being Methodist, or Buddhist? Do you need someone to agree with every word you say about it?

Or do you believe in certain spiritual principals which could be compatible with various faiths?

Does it matter to you more howrepparttar 126138 person argues their faith verbally, or how they live it in their daily actions and behaviors? Some people live in a way that’s very compatible with certain faiths, though they may not officially belong to any religious organization.

Some religions require only faith; others require certain actions.

Apply your emotional intelligence competencies as you date.

1. ZEN: “A tree that is unbending is easily broken.” Lao Tzu EQ COMPETENCY: FLEXIBILITY

Use all your brains. You must feel how you feel around this person (see point number 2) and also think about what it is you’re after atrepparttar 126139 deepest and broadest level so that you can haverepparttar 126140 flexibility to deal with another imperfect, not entirely predictable human being.

2. ZEN: “Onlyrepparttar 126141 supremely wise andrepparttar 126142 abysmally ignorant do not change.” Confucius EQ COMPETENCY: Understanding of people.

You have to allow forrepparttar 126143 fact thatrepparttar 126144 individual may change. Few people make extreme changes in their core being and basic operating principals, but many of us make changes and adjustments in behaviors and thoughts. Get to knowrepparttar 126145 person well enough so you have a sense of their core.

For example: Ifrepparttar 126146 person you’re dating has murdered someone, I wouldn’t stick around. If they were once an addict, have been in recovery for 20 years, and made sufficient personality changes, give it a guarded go. If they once kicked a dog and still talk about it with remorse, full speed ahead. (For more on this “how much baggage to accept onrepparttar 126147 midlife dating flight” read “Midlife Dating Manual for Women” ( http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 ).

3. ZEN: “If you are too excited by joy, later you will have to cry.” Tibetan saying. EQ COMPETENCY: Reality-testing.

Roughly translated this means that it’s best to go slow and find a person with a modulated response to you. Don’t get so excited you aren’t paying attention. Even soul-mates may disagree on how to loadrepparttar 126148 dishwasher. How can you expect exact alignment inrepparttar 126149 articulation of a religious belief? Therefore, number 4.

4. ZEN: “We think in generalities but we live in detail.” Alfred North Whitehead EQ COMPETENCY: Impulse control

Takerepparttar 126150 time to get to knowrepparttar 126151 person in little and daily ways. Someone can talk one way and act another. They can say they don’t believe in abusing animals (or anything else) and still do it. Only time will tell.

5. ZEN: “Think withrepparttar 126152 whole body.” Taisen Deshimaru EQ COMPETENCY: Intuition

Oddly enough, thinking withrepparttar 126153 whole body is what intuition is about. The quickest and surest way to know whether it’s a fit is to use your intuition (gut feeling, instincts). How do you know your gut feeling? From your gut! Your body sends you physiological messages.

Addiction to Worry

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 126128 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Title: Addiction to Worry Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 752 Category: Addiction, Personal Growth, Emotional Healing

Addiction to Worry By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. Inrepparttar 126129 course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. “What if I never get well?” “What if my husband gets sick?” “What if I run out of money?” (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). “What if my son gets into drugs?” “What if my kids don’t get into good colleges?” “What if someone breaks intorepparttar 126130 house?”

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet evenrepparttar 126131 awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted torepparttar 126132 sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother’s whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don’t remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother – constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily untilrepparttar 126133 day they died, I decided I didn’t want to live that way. The turning point came for merepparttar 126134 day my husband and I were going torepparttar 126135 beach and I started to worry thatrepparttar 126136 house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset fromrepparttar 126137 worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

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