If there's one characteristic we hope we don't have, it's vanity. We'd rather be considered aggressive, driven, petty, even mean than have others feel that we think too much of ourselves.

Isn't that hilarious?

We're all vain. The world appears to revolve around us because we literally can't see it any other way. Our reality is constructed entirely of our perceptions of how everyone and everything responds to us. It's impossible to remove ourselves from center of our own universe.

That's our starting point, anyway. We want to veer toward selflessness, but no matter how hard we try, we remain rooted to idea that how others see us really matters.

Oh, sure, we can pretend we're beyond that. We can say that we don't give a hoot about what others think of us. But even that is a bit of a conundrum--it's more likely that we care that others think we don't care what they think! See what I mean?

"Vanity is so secure in heart of men that everyone wants to be admired; even I who write this, and you who read this." Blaise Pascal, French mathematician & writer

It certainly doesn't escape me that it takes a hefty amount of vanity to think that others will be interested in reading what I write. I struggle with concept of vanity on several levels--as a 43-year-old woman in America trying to deal with aging and expectations of our society, as a writer sending out articles every week, as a mind masseuse helping clients. That's all about me when you get down to it. Plenty of vanity in this picture.

Like most people, I want to do good work, and I want to feel validated by others for that work. Is that so wrong?

Well, no. We all engage in activities throughout day for our own benefit, and we hope that what we do will end up helping other people. Confidence and self- interest are essential in any work and in all service to others. Pride can move us toward having a more powerful and positive impact on world.

How do we keep vanity in check?

"The only cure for vanity is laughter, and only fault that's laughable is vanity." Henri Bergon, French philosopher and Nobel prize winner

The question is not what are you doing and who put you there but; are you happy? If you are not doing what you really want to do then chances are that you are unhappy and that is affecting your health and relationships as well as other parts of your life.

As John D Rockefeller III stated "The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what interests you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have."

The problem is that although we are aware, deep down, of what we want to do hard part is putting those thoughts into action. Actually doing it. Perhaps you are trapped in thinking process that says…; “ well I can’t really change”. How will I pay mortgage? How will I pay school fees? How will I ……..

Or perhaps your thinking says it is better devil you know than one you don’t.

Or are you thinking well I’m lucky really I have a regular job that pays sufficient salary (just about) and others are not as lucky as me?

Whatever your story. Just stop for a moment and ask yourself:

What is really driving me?

What makes me do what I do?

Sarah, a friend of ours, is 57 years of age, single, an only child with no parents alive and no children. In our language, she is end of line. A successful sales manager for an international company. But her world has just collapsed. A week before Christmas she was made redundant with little or no warning. She has given her life to industry she worked in and feels very let down, bitter and disappointed. After all, she had it all worked out. Retirement happens at 60, mortgage will be paid off, pension fund will start to pay up and then she will be able to decide what she wants to do in future.

But that hasn’t happened. She is three years short and needs work. Her initial calls to her vast network of friends and colleagues has resulted in either, sympathy, not returned or I’m sorry but…you understand…we need ur hmph younger people… On other hand there are those who kept her confidence up by inviting her for an interview only to find on arrival that either there was no job or ur hmmph we found someone younger.

So Sarah was forced to ask herself: ‘Where do I go from here?’