The Prevailer: Overcoming SurvivorismA valiant soldier returns from war to receive a warm welcome and thanksgiving from all those innocent lives he swore to defend. The people are grateful. He's awarded medals, invited into
homes of many; he's spotlight of great celebrations and an instant hometown hero. Sound familiar? During course of war, in which we are currently engaged, it's happened many times - as it has happened in many wars past.
A prisoner is walked down halls. He's been in prison for years, and will finally taste freedom once again. His heart is joyous! But, society is unsure about his release. No one will invite this ex-convict into their home to celebrate his return, his release from a sentence served. He will not be paraded around town followed by hundreds of thankful and grateful souls! His joy is his own. No one thanks him for making it through, no one holds a celebration of his release, he should be ashamed of his crime and will make every attempt to hide it and time he served.
Now consider following: A child finally escapes, whether through telling or running away or growing up, from an abusive relationship. It could have been a relative, a family friend, a stranger or anyone. They spent days, or weeks, months and possibly years; suffering at hands of an abuser. Now, he's on his own - he feels ashamed to reveal his past to friends, family and/or acquaintances.. he must find his own support. Maybe through anonymous internet where no one will recognize him. Maybe he'll sort through hundreds of therapists available. Maybe he'll develop courage to tell someone close to him, maybe not. No one thanks him for making it through, no one is grateful for his sacrifice, no one holds a celebration in his honor, no one can know his horror.
An abuse survivor is treated more like a prisoner being released than a soldier returning home from war. Why is that? I believe there are several reasons why this happens.
1. Survivor creates wrong impression. The definition of word explains why:
Survivor: 1. To remain alive or in existence. 2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: families that were surviving in tents after flood. 3. To remain functional or usable: I dropped radio, but it survived.
The definition implies that an abuse survivor simply remained alive, existed throughout and after abuse, carried on despite hardships/trauma, persevered despite what was happening to them in secret. This definition is false when used to desribe someone who has escaped abusive situations (escaped: whether that be by growing older, reporting abuse, moving, or however situation ended.).
A truer definition is present under word "prevailer."
Prevailer: 1. To be greater in strength or influence; triumph: prevailed against enemy. 2. To be or become effective; win out: hoped justice would prevail.
The definition of prevailer implies that someone who prevailed over their abuser is greater in strength and influence; has triumphed over abuser(s) & abuse.
These descriptions are important. I believe that we are failing to acknowledge what we have accomplished by being strong-willed, enduring, persevering, defending, fighting for our lives, our minds, our spirits, and our human rights. We did all of that! We prevailed! We're still here, we're still enduring, persevering, defending and fighting! We're overcoming side effects of abuse we endured! We're prevailing over evil, over abuse, over abusers, over lies, over fear, and over silence - greatest weapon in an abuser's arsenal.
