A REQUIEM FOR THE SALES MEETING SUPER-JOCK by John K. Mackenzie Copyright (C) 1980 All rights reservedVictory via VHS
From keynote speech to laser lights, technique and technology fuse to find a re-motivated, re-dedicated, and re-energized sales force charging out of ballroom into a bright, shining world where never is heard a discouraging word, and everybody is a winner all time.
How could it be otherwise? The rented videotape, featuring a famous football star, promised it would be: "Keep up that can-do attitude, team! Charge that line! Flatten your competition. Go for goal and win, win, win!"
Sales meeting insertion of coaches and quarterbacks has been done so long, and so often, it's become institutionalized. And nothing, be it steroid loading, gambling raps, rape, AIDS, public urinalysis or renegade racism seems to suppress our urgent need to move locker room into meeting room.
Citius, Altius, Not-So-Fortius
Sales meetings (and those who write them) are never permitted to consider possibility that sales people are ever tired, discouraged, or uncertain. All reps are admonished to become relentless reservoirs of enthusiasm, commitment, and triumph. To support this directive, billions of dollars have gone (are going) into films, videotapes, and speeches designed to immunize them from such tedious concerns as doubt, hesitation, or fear.
A case in point: Every few years, Go For Gold! is robotically resuscitated as a meeting theme. Millions of dollars are then hurled at presentations designed to convince sales people to emulate qualities shown by Olympic medalists.
A grand idea: Were it not for fact that most of Olympic performances we admire are produced by insular mavericks. Dissident loners who sweat it out for years under conditions of fiscal deprivation and personal sacrifice no sales rep in world would tolerate for 30 seconds! Hardly congenial examples to support those consecrated doctrines of teamwork and togetherness so fervently invoked during executive keynotes.
Celebrity Central Casting
Superstar invocations are not limited to locker room. Presidents, statesmen, generals, admirals and astronauts have been stuffed into sales meeting presentations for decades. Often creating absurd and abrasive juxtapositions as product references and employee photos are jammed in alongside super celebrity shots. You haven't encountered great writing until you've experienced transition from General George Patton to a new laundry detergent or acid reflux pill.