Title: A Powerful Method for Healing Depression Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 801 Category: Emotional Healing

A POWERFUL METHOD FOR HEALING DEPRESSION By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Kendra had been depressed on and off for last three years before consulting with me. "I’ve tried various medications and they help somewhat, but I still feel depressed. I’ve tried psychotherapy and it also helps a little but not enough for me to feel happiness or peace inside. I hate feeling this way and I just don’t know what to do."

The first thing that I did with Kendra was to help her create a personal source of spiritual guidance. I asked her to make up a being who was very loving, wise and powerful - a man, woman or animal to whom she could turn to, in her imagination, for help and guidance. Kendra made up an older Indian medicine woman whom she called Elder One.

Next I asked Kendra where in her body she felt feeling of depression. "In my heart and stomach. My heart and stomach often feel so heavy and sad."

"Kendra, imagine that your feeling self, part that is presently depressed, is a child within. How old is this child?" She told me she thought child was around six.

"Now, imagine that you are sitting in a beautiful place in nature with Elder One. Imagine that Elder One is surrounding you with love so that you feel safe. Now imagine that little six-year old depressed Kendra is also with you. Ask her how she feels about you as her inner parent, her inner mom and dad. Ask her how you are treating her that is causing her to feel depressed. Ask her out loud."

"Okay. Little Kendra, how you you feel about me as a parent? How am I treating you that is causing you to feel so depressed?"

"Now go inside and imagine that you are little Kendra and that you are talking to you as adult, inner parent. What do you as little Kendra want to say to adult Kendra? How does adult Kendra treat you? What is adult Kendra doing that causes you to feel so bad?"

Title: Are You Addicted to Anger? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 789 Category: Emotional Healing, Personal Growth

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO ANGER? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so threat was always there.

Michael was oldest of four children and was often put in charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While some part of Michael didn’t want to be like his parents, this was all he knew.

As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.

"Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?" I asked.

"I don’t know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes anger."

"What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your parents were angry and violent with you?"

"I guess I felt pretty much alone."

"You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also helpless over what was happening."

"Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and helpless. It was so scary. I couldn’t wait to get bigger so I wouldn’t feel so helpless."

"What triggers that helpless feeling now?"

"Humm…I guess it’s when my wife and kids don’t do what I want them to do or what I think they should do."

"So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them, which is reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?"