Copyright 2004 by Theolonius McTavish. All rights reserved.
LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD -- Or, wabbit hunting is for wimps --
Some say that world is being overrun by far too many rabbits -- Oswald Rabbit, Roger Rabbit, Bugs Bunny not to mention all manner of wretched little Easter Bunnies. If that’s so, then “wabbit hunting” is sure to become a growth opportunity for outfitters, guides, and taxidermists or for those catering to Saturday morning cartoon-rerun crowd.
On other hand, some suggest that it requires neither courage nor skill to outwit a bouncy, four-legged, floppy-eared thing with a twitchy pink nose. They hold popular view that only reason these critters exist is to keep wimpy warriors safe if not sound and give wicked wenches something to cook besides tasteless toads.
Those with “right stuff” know that "real action" in life comes from slaying dragons, mashing monsters or trouncing trolls. For a change of pace, there’s always chance of saving odd damsel-in-distress or two, just to keep a fellow feeling needed on his day off.
As fate would have it however, "real men" have done such a bang up job of eradicating big brutes over past few centuries, there's precious little to tick off on their “to do” lists. No more tales to impress long-lost lovers. No more battering rams to strike fear into hearts of those wanting to grab a guy's favorite parking spot.
Diversions such as a daring game of snakes and ladders, extreme-tiddlywinks and no-holds-barred croquet simply won't cut it any longer. And, with no dragons, monsters or trolls around to hunt, clearly something had to be done before fickle finger of fate intervened.
The possibility that woosies, or heaven forbid thought that wenches might take over and -- put an end to hunting, close pleasure palaces, not to mention declare peace in Garden of Eden -- obviously did not sit too well with macho-merengue types. This scenario was not an option! So, there wasn't a moment to lose if a hunky dory outcome was to be engineered!
That’s why “The Academy of Arcane Stuff & Tricky Things” stepped in to offer a silver-tongued solution to this perplexing problem. Needless to say, after much consolation, consultation, and a few stiff drinks...the ivory-tower icons got together with several baron-of-beef business buddies and a couple of pleased-as-punch politicians who all agreed on one thing -- need for a plan.
This was a tall order however since gurus had only ever prepared "pomp and circumstance" pieces of piffle. Would they be able to produce anything but usual five-inch-thick, two-volume, color-coordinated, bound-set of embossed tomes typically found languishing on bookshelves propping up dust bunnies? This time, a miracle was in order. Nothing less than a "Master-Plan" with a "pithy purpose, pliable priorities, and oodles of prizes" would do thank you.