Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Memory is a very tricky thing, at least for me it is. Looking back, over a year's span of activity my memory seems to pick and choose what it remembers. It amazes me not so much what a person remembers but what a person forgets.

Often some old-timer will moan about how much he missesrepparttar good old days. I'm not sure if he is thinking of World War II orrepparttar 118108 great Depression. I'm positive that duringrepparttar 118109 great Depression some wonderful memories were created, but I'm not sure anyone wants to return to those thrilling days of yesterday.

The bad was not as bad as we remember andrepparttar 118110 good was not as good as we boast.

Some things are best forgotten and some things should never be forgotten; my trouble has always been remembering which is which. (Personally, I don't knowrepparttar 118111 difference between "which" and "that.")

Several things aboutrepparttar 118112 old year bear serious consideration. The past year, in my opinion, was not just one year but several years flowing together. Sometimes I'm not sure which year I lived.

The year 2004, like all its brothers before it, actually consisted of three years.

First, there isrepparttar 118113 year that really was. "Justrepparttar 118114 facts, ma'am."

I'm a little fuzzy about this one. For one thing, looking at my checkbook entries (at leastrepparttar 118115 ones I remembered to enter)repparttar 118116 past year was a completely different one than I recall.

I really do not recollect having allrepparttar 118117 fun indicated by my bank statement. Why is it that no matter how much money I put into my bank account, more money comes out.

Evidently, some phantom creature has access to my checkbook.

President Ronald Reagan was accused of voodoo economics. Reviewing my bank statements, I could be accused of "Who-do" economics.

My income tax statement is another perplexity. I can never figure it out. Ifrepparttar 118118 government said I made that much money, I must have made that much money and owe that much in taxes.

Speaking ofrepparttar 118119 government, what I don't understand is how they know how much I owe, torepparttar 118120 penny, along with millions of other Americans and cannot find Osama bin Laden. I know exactly how to solve this conundrum.

One surefire way of finding him is leaking torepparttar 118121 government that Osama bin Laden owes taxes and he will be caught before April 15, guaranteed.

Second, there isrepparttar 118122 year I re-member.

By Rev. James L. Snyder

This year is much shorter thanrepparttar 118123 previous one, for some odd reason. The year I remember had only two months; this month and last month. And believe me, "last month" is a stretch for me.

Honestly, I remember payingrepparttar 118124 electric bill, contrary to whatrepparttar 118125 electric company says. My problem withrepparttar 118126 electric company is that duringrepparttar 118127 space of a year they send me 12 bills and I can only remember two.


Written by B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon

Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.

CALENDAR OF ODD EVENTS - JAN. 2005 -- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in January 2005 --

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

January is, to put it bluntly, a bit of a merry-impaired month as far asrepparttar Gregorian calendar is concerned.

Withrepparttar 118107 ho-ho-ho season gone...things start all over again.

The origin of January comes from "Janus",repparttar 118108 god with two faces, one onrepparttar 118109 front of his head, and one onrepparttar 118110 back. He'srepparttar 118111 guardian of gateways and of beginnings. So now we know who to blame forrepparttar 118112 ridiculous New Year's resolution ritual.

Brain cell exercises aside, there are simpler if not slothful ways to get throughrepparttar 118113 first month of winter -- by yawning or humming not to mention less taxing titillations such as twiddling one's thumbs and wiggling one's ears.

For those who share an abiding interest in mild merriment, modest mirth and marvellous morsels of muddle -- this month has your name on it.

So, without further adieu -- here are some upcoming odd occasions to add to your "to do" list and eccentric events to celebrate on your January calendar.

Note: The funnybone-impaired should proceed with caution as excessive giggling, glad-handing, and gleams inrepparttar 118114 eye are known to cause gregarious gleeful behavior which your gloom and doom family members and friends may not understand or appreciate.


1. NATIONAL NUDE NICK DAY (in honor of Hogmany, Hogwash & Horsefeathers)

2. HOPS N' SCOTCH DAY (in honor of hung-over heffalumps)

3. BURPING, BELCHING & BREAKING WIND DAY (yup, another survival-of-the-fittest contest)

4. LITTLE LEFT OVERS DAY (dedicated to long-forgotten things inrepparttar 118115 refrigerator)

5. PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY DAY (a fine way to restore hope inrepparttar 118116 life of Eeyores)

6. HUG A HIPPOGRIFF (a mythical beast named "Bucktooth" is waiting for you atrepparttar 118117 petting zoo!)

7. CAPRICORN AWARENESS DAY (are you sure you're ready to "get someone's goat"?)

8. BROWN-NOSING DAY (this is your chance to fawn and flatter your way to success)

9. TOUCH TONE TUNE DAY(time to be creative and compose a song using your telephone keypad)

10. PET ROCK RECOGNITION DAY (in honor of boisterous boulders, scintillating stones, and ribald rocks)

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
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