Think of your brain as a juke box where most of your records – your reactions to different situations – were recorded well before your reached adolescence. Then, as life goes on and every time someone pushes your button, you automatically play
record that fits each situation.Take for instance, being bitten by a big, black dog at age 3. As a normal child your brain would make a record called “become afraid when you see a big, black dog.”
Forward to age 28. you have forgotten dog incident at age 3. You are walking down street and pass a dog that is big – and you guessed it – black. You automatically feel anxiety and apprehension and you want to avoid it, even though it is behind a gate and cannot harm you now. You find yourself thinking things like, “Big black dogs are dangerous,” and “It’s better to walk on other side of street.”
And so it is with many anger reactions. We find people and situations that literally “push our buttons,” and we respond just like that juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing it.
Of course, there are times when we SHOULD play usual record. For instance, many social ills in our society are solved by people becoming righteously indignant (a form of anger) and taking action to correct an evil or a wrong.
Other times, anger gets people’s attention and they start taking us more seriously. But, 95% of time, negative far outweighs positive when we lose control of our anger feelings. The costs are usually high and benefits low.
Most of time, anger simply doesn’t get us what we desire or need in first place and only makes things worse in terms of consequences to us, our “victims,” and to people (like children or employees) who may witness it.
Rather than reacting to anger triggers, here are five steps you can learn to choose how to deal with situation – to respond rather than react.
1.Awareness: Become more aware of patterns of behavior you exhibit to life triggers. The first step in changing behavior is to become aware of it and recognize it as it is occurring. For instance, “Whenever she talks to her mother on phone, I want to grab receiver and slam it down.”
