5 Simple Strategies for Keeping Your Life StuckWritten by Mary Ann Bailey
One of most common statements I hear when I talk with potential clients is, "I feel stuck." People find themselves feeling stuck in different ways. They may be in a relationship that no longer is working, but they don't know how to leave. They may have a dream of starting their own business, but aren't exactly sure where to begin. Or they may just want to incorporate more fun in their lives, but aren't sure how to make that happen. The feeling of being stuck is very familiar for most of us. Even though our lives seem to be in constant motion, very little of that motion actually moves us forward. We are similar to a log-jam in a river. The river is rushing all around us, but we aren't going anywhere. Why is it so easy for us to lose life's flow? What is it about way we live our lives that leads us towards "stuck"? There are probably many answers to these questions. In this article I will talk about 5 of most common behaviors I see that hold us back from living lives we really want to live. Believing What You Think The average mind has about 60,000 thoughts a day and most of us believe about 99% of what we think. Some of our thoughts are a product of how we were raised and culture in which we live. Others are product of our mind synthesizing our observations into our own brilliant deductions about world. Our thoughts help us make sense of our world and our life so it is only logical that we hold our thoughts to be truth. This, however, is where we can get into trouble. We cling to beliefs that no longer may serve us. How many of you know for certain that you are not good at art, sports, or math. Most of us didn't leave elementary school without having gotten some negative feedback in at least one of these three areas. What beliefs are you still hanging onto that may be keeping your life stuck? What things do you think you could never do? What things shouldn't be way they are? Who would be very upset if you were to follow your heart? It might be time to examine your belief system and see what thoughts are holding you hostage in your life. Blaming Others for Our Circumstances How often have you heard comments such as, "My manager is such a jerk. No wonder I am having trouble doing my job." Or, "Don't blame me. I didn't make that decision!" We all have things in our lives that are not going as well as we would like. That is just way life is. It throws us curve balls and our job is to figure out best way to deal with them. Some people defer to curve balls. They remove themselves from batter's box and wait for a pitch they like better. Meanwhile, life continues on and after a while these people find themselves still standing outside batter's box feeling stuck and stalled in their life. Another approach would be to step up to plate and give that curve ball your best shot. Realize that you are only one who can truly take charge of situation. What would it take for you to hit that ball? A good place to start would be putting together a game plan that included intention, determination, and lots of practice. You might not hit first few pitches. But eventually you will get your timing and swing down and you will start knocking those balls out of park. You will begin to see that more you step into your life, less stuck you will feel.
| | The 3 Key Components to Any Successful ChangeWritten by Mary Ann Bailey
We live in a world that is constantly bombarding us with changes. One would think that with all that practice, we would be fairly adept at navigating change process. But truth of matter is, making any kind of intentional change in our life can be difficult. When we decide to change something in our lives, we make decision to swap out old and familiar for something new and unknown. This upsets our equilibrium and can be frightening and somewhat disorienting. But we can lessen these feelings of uncertainty, and ensure ourselves a greater chance of success, if we initially take time to address 3 key components necessary for any successful change. These components are: commitment, competence, and structure. COMMITMENT: Most of us believe when we decide to make a change in our lives that we are fully committed to doing what it takes to make that change happen. But commitment can be a tricky thing. There can be part of us who is truly committed to change, while there may be other parts of us who have no desire to change. This phenomenon is known as having "competing commitments". Competing commitments create resistance; and having to deal with resistance is what often causes us to give up before we reach our goal. Example: Megan wants to start an exercise program to lose weight and increase her energy level. She signs up for a class at health club and is excited about getting started. The first few mornings go well, but then she begins to notice that her enthusiasm is waning. Megan begins to sabotage her progress by skipping classes and telling herself that her instructor isn’t really sensitive to her needs. She feels that she is still committed to losing weight and does not really understand where her resistance is coming from. Resistance is red flag for competing commitments. In Megan's case competing commitment turned out to be her desire to spend time with her friends. She had a weekly get-together that she assumed she no longer could attend because she had to get up early in morning to exercise. Megan saw her dilemma as an either/or situation. She believed that she would have to give up one activity in order to have other. Once she realized that that wasn’t actually true – that her friends would be willing to change their meeting time – Megan began to relax and her resistance disappeared. COMPETENCE: The second key element is competence. Competence means having skills necessary to make change happen, or having time, energy, and ability needed to acquire skill. Example: Lucy was having trouble at work with one of her workers, Kris. Every time Lucy would try and talk to Kris about her negative attitude, conversation would end up very heated and both women would leave feeling upset and unheard.
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