1. You’re eavesdropping and you hear your boss has reservations at his favorite restaurant. You know,
one you can’t afford. Call them back and cancel his reservations – say you’re his wife.2. Have a friend of yours make an anonymous call to your boss saying that they know what he has been up to, possess incriminating pictures, and hang up. It will scare bejesus out of him.
3. Put chocolate ex-lax in your manager’s chocolate licorice. Not only will you feel better, it may wipe that constipated look off of his face too.
4. Call local Mormon or Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints church and ask that they visit your house soon, only give them your manager’s home address.
5. Every time your boss asks you a question, just look at him and say “interesting” and go back to what you were working on.
6. Take your eyeliner and smears it in his chair when he’s not looking. His wife will feel needed when she has to heartily scrub and wash his pants.
7. Turn pictures on his desk upside down and act overly sweet and innocent when he asks if you know why they are like that.
8. When your boss goes to bathroom, turn his computer off. When he asks you if you know what happened, say that you don’t and it must have just crashed or something. Smile like Cheshire cat.
9. Enlist a friend to deliver papers appearing to be legal documents that insinuate he is being sued for 4 million dollars. Put word “joke” on last page of 20-page document. It will be fun to watch beads of sweat form on his brow.
10. Remove all toilet paper from men’s bathroom and put it in women’s. Shake your head in disapproval of janitorial help in your office when your boss complains about it.
11. Put your boss on all of mailing lists of his most detested organizations and clubs. When he asks you to call and have them remove him from lists, say of course, and never do it.
12. Replace vodka in liquor cabinet with water. You’re doing him a favor, really you are. When he comments that his vodka tastes like water, respond smartly by saying that it appears that just about everyone is cutting corners these days.
13. When he comments that coffee is too weak or too strong, ask, in a serious tone, if he is sure that his taste buds haven’t changed.
14. When your boss mentions a particular food that he does not like, purchase that item repeatedly and eat it in front of him. Put your garbage from that food into his garbage can, so that smell will linger in his office.
15. When you arrive late, move all clocks back. When you want to leave early, move all clocks forward. Pretend that all batteries need to be replaced.
16. When your boss inquires about your weekend, say you went sky diving and to Italy. He will hopefully get your sarcasm and not ask again.
17. When your manager inquires as to what your favorite TV show is, reply that it is a child’s show like Sesame Street. Say it like you mean it.
18. Out of blue, say you have an emergency appointment with your astrologer and it is important that you leave now because your charts are waiting!
19. For your manager’s birthday, hire a palm reader to read your manager’s palm. Pay them an extra $50 to say “Oh My” in middle of reading and not be able to continue.
20. Grind up leaves from your backyard that look like pot, put into a baggie, and send it to your boss. Stand there while he opens it and gasp when contents are revealed. Say “it is none of my business” and walk out of room.
21. Call fire department and pretend you are in office next door to yours and exclaim there is a massive inferno in building next to yours. It is guaranteed to raise your manager’s blood pressure a few points or more when firemen arrive.
22. Time your manager when he goes out to run personal errands and comment that he took an exceptionally long break when he returns.
23. Run into office exclaiming to your manager that his car has a huge dent in side! Walk outside with him when he goes out to examine it. After he looks it over thoroughly and asks you what you saw because he can’t see it, apologize that it must have just been way light was reflecting on it that made it appear that way.
24. Exclaim how sorry you are that your manager’s grandmother died over weekend and that you read about it in obituaries. Declare that it must have been somebody with same name when he says he has no idea what you are talking about and begins frantically dialing his grandmother.
25. Superglue two middle pages of your manager’s favorite book and return to shelf. He will find it after glue has permanently set.
26. When you are simply not in mood to get out of your chair, proclaim that copier is broken when your boss asks for copies to be made. If your manager attempts to make copies on his own and exclaims it works just fine, jam a paper clip in innards of copy machine when nobody is looking.
