Question: What’s your vote for Robert? High EQ or Low EQ?

Pitching Best Features:

Carmella is sitting next to me in her $800 Armani with an 8-carat diamond on her freshly manicured hand, as Baldwin County, Alabama barber tells her high points about house he wants to sell. “It’s got an RV hookup, so when your friends come to visit, you know, they can just hook right up, and I got about 10 goats out here now, but you can put you some horses here too, and I got $32,000 worth of fruit trees I just put in. What else you want to know?”

Question: Has he pitched "best features" to her? Yes? Or No?

Multicultural Mayhem:

Thomas “Tex’ Henley, realtor, has lived his whole life in Texas and never been outside country. He reads little, sticks with friends he grew up with and has never learned another language.

The buyers are meeting him at office, and when they come in, he can tell they aren’t from US, and woman has on an outfit he’s never seen before. Sort of like Arabs he’s seen on t.v., but not quite. He rushed forward with a big “howdy,” reaching to take woman’s coat and slaps a big ole’ friendly paw on her shoulder to guide her toward lobby. Wise move? Dumb move?

Second Showing:

Hortense Who’s-House-It-Is, is home for second-showing when realtor brings woman back to see her house. Affable person that she is, she follows them around, chatting about house.

When they part, she says, “Now, Honey, you’ll love it here. There’s plenty of single young men in neighborhood so you won’t be alone long, and there’s plenty of extra bedrooms here for little ones, [wink wink], so anyway, y’all have a great Merry Christmas, and remember, ‘Jesus is reason for season.’ “

Question: Has Hortense made sale?

Answers:

1.Mary’s most likely to make sale because she’s personalizing house for buyers, telling them where their things can go, and how it would work for them. She really listened to her client, so she knows about music room and fig trees.

2.Robert gets low EQ. He may as well be speaking a foreign language to this middle-aged intellectual single woman, and she probably considers cell phone rude as well.

3.No, he has not. The “best features” to Carmella would be pointing out ample supply of affordable labor in town, acreage available for adding a swimming pool and tennis courts, easy drive to airport, which is how Carmella’s friends will arrive, and subdivision of half-million dollar homes going in nearby, but not too nearby.

4.Very dumb move. When you’re dealing with another culture you’re not familiar with, safest thing to do is be ultra-conservative especially where women are concerned. In many cultures, you should not speak directly to woman or make eye contact or touch her in any way.

When in doubt, slow down, look for signals, address male member of duo with a standard, conservative, “So nice to me you, I’m XXX,” and let him make next move.

5.Not likely if buyer is Jewish, from New York where terms of endearment aren’t used lightly, lesbian, and has just found out she’s unable to bear children.

It’s emotionally intelligent these days not to assume someone’s sexual preference, desire for children, age, marital status or religion. Use generic terms such as “holiday” instead of “Hanukkah” or “Christmas,” and “partner” instead of “spouse” or “husband” or “wife.”

Next time you want to participate in your favorite activity, you might want to notice your intent. Do you want to relax and watch TV or are you avoiding some difficult feeling or task? Do you find yourself scheduling more work than you can really handle to avoid dealing with aloneness, loneliness, or conflict with a mate, or are you really loving your work and feeling fulfilled by it? Are you exercising to support your health or to avoid feelings?

Once you become aware of using an activity to avoid, here’s what you can do about it:

1)Welcome feeling you are trying so hard to avoid. Pay attention to feeling - fear, loneliness, aloneness, agitation, boredom, anxiety.

2) Make a decision to learn what YOU might be doing to cause this feeling rather than continuing to avoid it.

3) Explore what you might be doing to cause this feeling. How are you not taking care of yourself that is causing your painful feeling? Are you procrastinating, judging yourself, or not standing up for yourself in conflict? How are you avoiding responsibility for your own well-being? Are you allowing yourself to be a victim, waiting for someone else to make you feel better?

4) Once you understand what you are doing to cause your distress, then you need to ask "What would be loving action for myself?" You are asking this question of your highest self, or of your spiritual guidance if you are connected with a source of guidance. If you open to learning about what is loving, ideas will pop into your mind.

5) Now you need to take loving action on your own behalf - complete a task, stand up for yourself and speak your truth with someone, and so on.

6) Re-evaluate how you are feeling. Are you feeling more peaceful and more powerful? You will feel more peaceful if you have taken loving action. If you are not feeling better, don’t just turn back to your addictions. Look for another loving action until you find what really makes you feel safe on a deep level, not just temporary pacification of an addiction.

You will find your addictions fading away as you learn to take loving care of yourself.