my first day as the Easter Bunny

Written by keith merritt

Continued from page 1

Someone escorts me torepparttar set, because, did I mention, you can hardly see anything from insiderepparttar 118076 bunnyhead. The whole outfit is like a man onrepparttar 118077 moon spacesuit, on whichrepparttar 118078 big, clear face bubble has been spray painted almost completely over by mischievous aliens. You can see straight ahead through two big eyeholes, but there’s a sort of black fog over everything because you’re looking through mesh. There’s a surreal quality to it, children waving, bunny smiling, as volcanic ash slowly falls from Mount St. Helens. Later. Atrepparttar 118079 set. Waving, dancing, holding ontorepparttar 118080 lapels of your tiny Easter bunny vest, playing ‘peek a boo, blowing kisses, more waving, lots of waving. And some kids are happy and some are scared, some stunned atrepparttar 118081 weirdness of it all. When you sit inrepparttar 118082 bunny suit, your hard little bunny tail will wedge itself uncomfortably up your butt. So if you notice your Easter bunny adjusting his tail before he sits, you know why. There’s a little fan low torepparttar 118083 ground, blowing sweet air up, and if you angle it just rightrepparttar 118084 breeze flows inrepparttar 118085 crack at your neck, and cools you down. Still later. I realize it’s only kids here, kids as customers, kids in charge. So I start to pushrepparttar 118086 envelope. Making bunny gang signs at kids too old and tough to sit on my lap. Saluting security guards, clapping when pretty girls walk by, makingrepparttar 118087 curvy hourglass figure with my hands, imitating people on cell phones, one furry hand clapped to my big ear, repparttar 118088 other hand gesticulating wildly. Peek-a-boo, that’s my specialty. I love to play peek-a-boo with adults. No one likes it, they all walk away fast. The job is fun,repparttar 118089 kids are cute,repparttar 118090 pictures are good if we can get them to look atrepparttar 118091 camera. The quintessential moment comes when I am doing something stupid, dancing, or just lolling my big fat head around, sweating profusely. I stop, I see... a movie poster. Viggo Mortensen is wielding a shiny sword, his hair blows in wild wind. He looks out proudly at a billion people who know his face, his name. That isrepparttar 118092 highest height of being an actor. And this, a faceless, sweaty clown in a bunny suit, isrepparttar 118093 lowest low. But I am strangely happy. As my shift ends, and I am escorted torepparttar 118094 ‘secret room’ to change out of my bunny suit, some kid asks me ‘are you somebody famous under there? “ I put a finger over my bunny lips and disappear behindrepparttar 118095 hidden door.

Keith is a writer and actor in Los Angeles California. He is a rabid creator and should be put down or made famous. he makes short films. puppetts, and sometimes people nervous. his latest short film can be seen at

Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

Nurses have two kinds of needles. One, they haverepparttar nice sharp pointy needles that piercerepparttar 118075 epidermis withrepparttar 118076 greatest of ease causingrepparttar 118077 least amount of discomfort.

The second type is reserved for those certain patients, and you know who you are, that cross them. I'm referring torepparttar 118078 square point needles that gougerepparttar 118079 flesh. I'm proud to say I experiencedrepparttar 118080 former.

The second has to do with hospital bedpans. What deranged person masterminded this dysfunctional appliance? Some research must be funded byrepparttar 118081 government to track this person or persons down and have them executed.

Normally I'm not a violent man. My philosophy is "live and let live." However, hospital bedpans are not normal and are deliberately designed to malfunction every time. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. If not executed, then they should be confined to a hospital bed forrepparttar 118082 rest of their life and I have justrepparttar 118083 bedpan for them.

The third thing I discovered inrepparttar 118084 hospital has to do with those x-rated hospital gowns. They come in one-size-fits-all. That's all right if you happen to be 3'6."

Unless a person is dyslexic, it takes no rocket scientist to see I am a bit larger than 3'6." I just happen to be 6'3" and have never been mistaken for a midget. I have no idea what these so-called gowns were designed for but it was not for modesty.

In fact, there is some evidence that patients inrepparttar 118085 psychiatric ward ofrepparttar 118086 hospital designedrepparttar 118087 hospital gown as a group therapy project. It has absolutely no practical - or impractical for that matter - purpose in this life. The hospital gown could be classified asrepparttar 118088 cross-purpose-driven garment.

Several days have passed since leaving my hospital oasis, giving me some time for reflection. The hardest thing for a person like me is to wait. I have my agenda and I darerepparttar 118089 person to stand in my way.

God, however, has devised marvelous ways of incorporating into our daily regime opportunities to practice this illusive virtue.

A passage fromrepparttar 118090 Psalms keeps running throughrepparttar 118091 back of my mind. "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory:repparttar 118092 rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." (Psalms 62:5-8 KJV.)

Nurses, bedpans and X-rated hospital gowns are notrepparttar 118093 real issues of a hospital stay. Trusting God in adversity isrepparttar 118094 most important.

James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL with his wife.

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