You’re A Mom, She’s A Mom: Being An Adult With Your Parents

Written by Mimi Azoubel Daniel, MS, CEC


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Validate Feelings and Beliefs. Your new ways of doing things may feel like a threat to your parents. Without intending to, your way may seem like a personal attack againstrepparttar way you were raised. Feeling offended, your mother may try to influence you either to retaliate or to create a comfort level. It is important to share with your mom that, as an adult, you have taken all that she has taught you to create new ways of doing things with your family. You have needed to compromise and synthesize everyone’s ways to create a new way that works for all. Recognize that you and your mother have a right to your own opinions, even if they are different from each other.

Get a Guide There is such a stigma in asking for help, especially for woman. However, a third-party perspective can make allrepparttar 130395 difference in how you communicate with your parents. This does not mean therapy or counseling. Find a Coach, a guide or even clergy who specializes in relationship issues. Be sure your Coach helps you both to focus on your goals forrepparttar 130396 relationship. In other words, what do you want your future with your Mom to be like? Do you really need to hash out and analyzerepparttar 130397 past or are you ready to learnrepparttar 130398 skills to move forward? Also, make sure your Coach can offer immediate tools to use to help you diffuse potentially contentious situations. Ask Questions. “Why do you ask?” “How does that make you feel when I do that?” “Why would you do it that way?” What is your mother’s real intent when she does something that gets under your skin? If asked, she would probably be shocked that she hurt your feelings. Her intent was to help, not hurt. What is behind that seemingly critical statement or probing question? You may be surprised to find that she has her own agenda that is separate from what seemed like a criticism. Before you react, ask genuinely interested questions. This also takesrepparttar 130399 focus off of you and onto her.

As my mother offered my sonrepparttar 130400 lollipop, I choked down my frustration and sincerely asked her why she gave himrepparttar 130401 candy. Her answer caught me off guard. She expressed how hard it was for her that she lives so far away, that she could not help raise him and that she feared he would forget her from visit to visit. She explained that in her limited time with him, she wanted to bring pure joy and excitement and make him feel special. As I listened to this, I recognized that to my mother, all of that was represented in a lollipop. And what kind of mother was I to deny my son all those wonderful feelings? I also recognized that I could be true to my way of doing things and still love and respect my mother.

© 2004, XY Outlook, Inc.

Mimi Azoubel Daniel, MS, CEC is a Certified Life Coach specializing in Relationship Coaching. She works with individuals, couples and businesses to create strong healthy and satisfying relationships at home and in the workplace. She conducts several workshops and is frequent guest speaker. Specifically, Mimi offers the Lasting Marriage Program and The “Y” Workshop, a non-denominational, premarital workshop. For more information, visit www.xyoutlook.com.


Transitioning - Relaxed to Natural

Written by Janice Johnson


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When you transition,repparttar point whererepparttar 130393 two textures meet is known asrepparttar 130394 "line of demarcation". This isrepparttar 130395 weakest point. The curly/coily hair meetsrepparttar 130396 relaxed or straight hair. At this pointrepparttar 130397 structure ofrepparttar 130398 hair is completely different due torepparttar 130399 two different textures. This isrepparttar 130400 point whererepparttar 130401 hair is susceptible to breakage.

While transitioning, if you are conditioning your hair, combrepparttar 130402 hair carefully withrepparttar 130403 wide tooth comb whilerepparttar 130404 conditioner is still inrepparttar 130405 hair. Leaverepparttar 130406 conditioner inrepparttar 130407 hair for 10 minutes and then rinse out. A great after wash and conditioner is Infusium Leave-In Conditioner. Add torepparttar 130408 hair after washing and conditioning withrepparttar 130409 creamy conditioner. Infusium Leave-In Conditioner is a great product to use after every wash because it ridsrepparttar 130410 hair of tangles.

Try to consult with a professional stylist to help you through your transitioning period. A visit torepparttar 130411 stylist for a professional deep conditioning will also be very beneficial and helpful duringrepparttar 130412 transition period. It’s best to go to a stylist that embraces natural hair. The last thing you need is a stylist who makes you feel like you’ve lost your mind because you’ve decided to gorepparttar 130413 natural route. You need to surround yourself with people who support your decision. It’s amazing how many stylists frown upon natural hair.

Your stylist will also be able to recommendrepparttar 130414 best products and methods to use for your hair. Another key point to having good hair (whether transitioning or not), is a healthy diet. So, get healthy! Try to eat right so that your hair will grow quickly and grow thick and healthy. Green leafy vegetables like spinach and broccoli are great at growing long healthy locks.

Transitioning Tip: Try to avoid slicking your hair back becauserepparttar 130415 tension may cause breakage. Your hair is more susceptible to breakage because ofrepparttar 130416 two different textures.



Janice Johnson is the founder of the www.curlyhairsalon.com website. An online multi-ethnic black hair magazine that offers information, tips and advice to care for curly hair.


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