Further, there was a greater than 10-fold increase in episodic memory decline. Episodic memory is recall and recognition of events, where as non-episodic memory is factual memory and implicit memory (things you “just know”).

“The results suggest that chronic psychological distress is a risk factor for AD and that this association probably reflects neurobiologic mechanisms other than pathologic hallmarks of AD,” said lead researcher, R.S. Wilson, in journal Neurology.

More evidence for need for emotional intelligence, stress management and resilience. Source Neurology 2003; 61: 1479-1485 http://www.neurology.org/cgi/content/abstract/61/11/1479

The problem is that it is not really an adult who is making decision to hate holidays – it’s a wounded, angry resistant adolescent who just doesn’t want to be controlled any more. Derek actually has a little child inside - happy, playful, loving child – who would love to be celebrated on his birthday and would love to celebrate others, but this tyrannical, controlling adolescent part of him (who is just like his mother!) won’t let him. So, like Bonnie, his little inner child ends up feeling sad and lonely on holidays and birthdays, while adolescent part of Derek thinks he is beating system.

Derek will never be able to experience joy of celebrations until he starts to care more about what is truly loving to himself and others, rather than being controlled by his resistance to being controlled. As long as not being controlled – by Bonnie, by his mother, or by society and big business – is more important to him than taking care of little child inside who loves celebrations, Derek will be in resistance.

One way of moving out of this resistance is to find something he does want to celebrate. Can he celebrate his love for his wife? Can he celebrate loving part of himself? Can he celebrate fact that he is free to resist and rebel if that is what he wants? Can he celebrate his freedom to choose, his free will to determine what will bring him joy? Derek has choice to move out of celebrating what others say he should celebrate and discover what he wants to celebrate. Then he might discover joy of celebrating!

Meanwhile, Bonnie needs to take care of herself and find people who would enjoy celebrating with her. Rather than being stuck in her loneliness around special days, she needs to find friends to celebrate with her. She needs to let go of trying to get Derek to join her – which only taps into his resistance – and figure out how to take care of herself in face of his choices. She will just lose out if she tries to have any control over his resistance. However, if Derek is open to learning about his resistance and open to learning about what he could celebrate, she can certainly engage in those discussions with him. If she lets go and he opens to exploring, perhaps they can discover new and joyful ways of celebrating!