It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is necessarily an act of destruction'.

Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your life where your partner takes on a different role to one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that your partner will have no future role in your life.

This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse yourself into creative process. Take opportunity to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.

3. Allow yourself to regenerate.

If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of time to regenerate. Focus on things that you can control. Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends and spend plenty of time in nature.

Take things slowly, look after yourself and create time and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing again.

Remember two things.

However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of critical importance that you remember two things;

i)be kind to yourself and ii)be kind to your ex-partner.

Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully human, doing best you can to navigate through this world.

Copyright Damien Senn 2005. All rights reserved.

Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully qualified Chartered Accountant.

For your free download '101 things to do before you die' please click the following link:

What if I spent my energies trying to impact what I was concerned about, even though I had no influence? Working outside my influence I am doing nothing but being further controlled by concerns I can do little about. Covey states that if you spend energy on things outside your influence, that circle starts to reduce in size. The opposite is key.

I was in a group where productivity was poor and not improving. The leader became dictatorial in belief it was within his COI. All this did was reduce his influence as people switched off even more. In an almost identical position in another group leader recognised his degree of influence and that he could not simply dictate better productivity. Instead he worked where he did have influence, on a few relationships and enabling assistance for what people saw as blockages to their work. His COI expanded as people started to understand his COC.

By putting our energies into things inside our circle of influence it will begin to expand. It comes down to if there is something you want to change; you may as well start where you can make a difference. How often is only thing you have influence over, your own reaction? Thinking back to part 1 of first habit.... Being proactive is to choose how you respond. To choose to work inside your circle of influence is clearly a good response choice.

Actions: One of best parts of this book is turning theory into action. At end of each chapter Covey provides a number of very tangible and achievable actions to help us implement what we have learnt in preceding chapter. The big one that I am working on is last: Proactivity - The Thirty-Day Test You really need to read book for this one but top three points are: 1.Work only in your circle of influence 2. Make only small commitments 3. Observe yourself without judging I have found this especially hard in my current situation. As I go, I am discovering more about what is inside my COI. What is saving me is having someone else help me with observing part. We get together at end of each week and I go through what I did that I thought was within my COI. My coach (being someone I selected as a coach!) would then observe and comment on where they saw these activities falling. The best part was then what did we think impact on my COI was. Initially it was very little but as weeks have progressed we have both noticed changes in environment I am working in.

I urge you to try this. There is no down side and I am finding it a very empowering experience. I mentioned that I chose a coach. I found this to be vital. My head is full of too much stuff to be sufficiently objective. Choosing a coach is an important decision, and a complete subject in its own right.

It's time to take some real action, its time to be brave!

Cheers Steve

After years as a successful consultant I found myself leading a team. In an effort to move from being a leader to showing Leadership I am on a journey of discovery. If you have found yourself in a similar position, join with me at http://2leadership.com. - Steve