You Can Have It All (Just Not At The Same Time)Written by Andrea Hayhurst
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Consider a rather thought provoking theory propounded by authors Coney & Mackey in their 1998 article “Cultural Evolution & Gender Roles: Advantage...Patriarchy.” In it, they state that evolution is not in favor of females overtaking work force. They note in their study that across world female is expected to be primary caretaker. This notion arose out of fact that in past “if a job or task interfered with mothering, then that task was given to men.” This would explain why women are genetically programmed to be caretakers. Coney & Mackey go on to establish that expansion of opportunities, both in education and other areas, for women is correlated with a reduction in fertility in that cultural group. Consequently, they conclude that groups which expect and emphasize women to take on mother role will eventually replace other societies. That’s a pretty powerful theory, but their hypothesis is based on solid research and data. I also know that there are plenty of examples out there of men raising children and same sex partners adopting children and having families of their own and I have no doubt that they do an excellent job of caring for those children. I simply think that as a society maybe it is finally time for us to acknowledge that women on whole do tend to have an inherent caretaker instinct that does not exist, at least not in same way, in men. I mean, from beginning of time women and men have just been put together differently, both in a physical and mental/emotional sense. Even in our earliest days, men were hunters and gatherers and women were ones who did nurturing. I don’t think it was an accident that society, on whole, tended to organize itself around family as central unit with male partner providing for family in an economic sense and female partner tending to care for home and family in domestic sense. Again, I am not trying to perpetuate stereotypes, but simply trying to acknowledge very real reason that women today feel torn between their families and work lives in a way that very few men do. Instead of demanding equality on our own terms it seems to me that women have demanded equality on men’s terms.. No wonder women now feel such conflict in their lives. They are attempting on one hand to do everything a man has traditionally done and at same time they cannot give up real sense of obligation they often feel to be nurturer and caretaker of their home and family. So they end up taking on both roles and soon realize that there is not enough time in day to do both. And when you add children to that mix, conflict becomes even more apparent. Men, on other hand, don’t face same sort of conflict in their lives since they have never, as a group, attempted to take on two roles at same time. Sure, there was a time when men were encouraged to “get in touch with their feminine side” and there is no doubt that as a result of feminist movement men are much more hands on around house and with kids then they once were, but men have never felt need to take on caretaker role in order to prove themselves entitled to anything. With women, however, it’s a different story. We go into office and work hard at showing corporate world qualities that are traditionally considered masculine in nature such as competitiveness and winning at all costs and then have to do a 180 degree turn at end of workday when we go home to our families who are expecting to see a wife and mother walk through door and fix a tasty, nutritious and well-balanced dinner. Let’s face it, very few men have qualms about using slice and bake cookie dough for their child’s annual school bake sale or being too overscheduled to make every dance recital, school play or PTA meeting. When a woman frets about these things her husband will tell her not to worry, no one could possibly expect a woman with a full time job to worry about baking home made cookies or attending every school function that’s scheduled smack in middle of day. What men don’t get is that WOMEN do expect it. As a matter of fact, working women expect it of themselves more then anyone else. We feel guilty because we see those domestic functions as being our area of expertise and god help any husband who innocently suggests that he step in to help out with one of these tasks. Women may complain that they need more help or support from their husbands, but they also don’t want any of traditional job responsibilities that go with “mommy” title being appropriated by them either. I made decision to be a stay at home mom after my second daughter was born. Once I committed to decision I felt like weight of world had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. For a short while, I felt like I was betraying entire feminist movement, which in earlier days I had quite vocally supported. But more I thought about it, more I realized that more then anything else, I finally felt like I was being true to myself. And isn’t that what real goal of feminist movement was all about? I don’t need to prove to myself or any man that I can earn a paycheck and “make it” in a man’s world. I’ve already “made it” in my own world. I’m surprisingly content being domestic caretaker of my family. I revel in trying new recipes and doing all those other domestic tasks that I never had time for before I made my decision to be a full time mom. I will even admit to having spent hours making cranberry and popcorn garland for family Christmas tree this past holiday season, a task which I previously wouldn’t have even considered given my former notorious lack of spare time. But you know what? I’m not ashamed of that one little bit. And you know what else? When I fall into bed every night absolutely exhausted from taking care of my two toddlers, at least I know that I have spent my day making a difference in their lives, no matter how insignificant that day’s activities may have been. When I worked outside home and fell into bed exhausted every night I felt miserable because I had spent my day doing a variety of completely mind numbing activities for a faceless corporate entity and working my tail off to put a couple more million into some CEO’s pocket whose name I can honestly say I don’t even recall. I’m not trying to make women who work outside home feel guilty or ashamed for their choices either. I am perfectly aware of harsh realities which dictate some family situations. All I’m trying to say is that I think women have painted themselves into a corner. We can be our husband’s equals without having to live in their world. Women should learn how to celebrate and be proud of differences between sexes. So go ahead and be that domestic goddess if that’s what you truly want and don’t let anyone make you feel anything less then proud for having courage to live life you want! I absolutely love this quote from an unidentified woman who was interviewed for a book entitled “And What Do You Do? When Women Choose to Stay Home”. She said that her favorite answer to “ And what do you do?” was “I’m changing world.........one child at a time.” We’ve come a long way, baby!
Andrea Hayhurst is a freelance writer who specializes in writing articles about family and women's issues as well as fiction novels. The author can be contacted via email at ahyhrst12@aol.com for further information.
| | Using Natural Progesterone Cream WiselyWritten by Dr. Loretta Lanphier, ND, CN, HHP, CH
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It is said that over ¾ of population is sleep deprived. The importance of being in bed before 10:00 p.m. so that body's biorhythms are not disturbed has been taught by natural medicine doctors for many years. The body does most of its repair and healing between hours of 10:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. If you are awake during these hours your body definitely looses. There is no such thing as "catching up on your sleep". Once it is lost, it cannot be regained. Weekend "sleep warriors" are actually doing more harm to their Circadian rhythms than they may realize. Like most things in life, we must always proceed with caution. There is no magic bullet when it comes to getting body balanced and healthy. Natural progesterone is most natural and safest way to assist women with symptoms of hormonal imbalance, but we must remember that our goal is "balance" in every area. The following table shows benefits of natural progesterone compared to estrogen. As you can see, effects of progesterone are many-we would do well to use it wisely. We'll end this article with a comparison table that lists respective effects of both estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen Effects Progesterone Effects Stimulates breasts cysts Protects against breast cysts Increases body fat storage Helps use fat for energy and keep it off hips Salt and fluid retention Natural diuretic (water pill) Depression and headaches Natural anti-depressant Interferes with thyroid hormone Facilitates thyroid hormone action Increases blood clotting and risk of stroke Normalizes blood clotting Decreases libido (sex drive) Increases libido Impairs blood sugar control Normalizes blood sugar levels Loss of zinc and retention of copper Normalizes zinc and copper levels Reduced oxygen level in all cells Restores proper cell oxygen levels Increased risk of endometrial cancer Prevents endometrial cancer Increased risk of breast cancer Helps prevent breast cancer Helps decrease bone loss slightly Increases bone building
Loretta Lanphier, ND, CN, HHP is the Founder of Oasis Advanced Wellness in the Houston, TX area. She has done extensive research in health science, hormonal balancing, nutrition, natural medicine, weight loss, herbology, cancer nutritional balancing and researchs new natural treatments for disease. Dr. Lanphier is also a dynamic seminar speaker and prolific author. For more info please visit us at: www.oasisadvancedwellness.com; www.menopause-pms-progesterone.org; www.oasisserene.com
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