What if I spent my energies trying to impact what I was concerned about, even though I had no influence? Working outside my influence I am doing nothing but being further controlled by concerns I can do little about. Covey states that if you spend energy on things outside your influence, that circle starts to reduce in size. The opposite is key.

I was in a group where productivity was poor and not improving. The leader became dictatorial in belief it was within his COI. All this did was reduce his influence as people switched off even more. In an almost identical position in another group leader recognised his degree of influence and that he could not simply dictate better productivity. Instead he worked where he did have influence, on a few relationships and enabling assistance for what people saw as blockages to their work. His COI expanded as people started to understand his COC.

By putting our energies into things inside our circle of influence it will begin to expand. It comes down to if there is something you want to change; you may as well start where you can make a difference. How often is only thing you have influence over, your own reaction? Thinking back to part 1 of first habit.... Being proactive is to choose how you respond. To choose to work inside your circle of influence is clearly a good response choice.

Actions: One of best parts of this book is turning theory into action. At end of each chapter Covey provides a number of very tangible and achievable actions to help us implement what we have learnt in preceding chapter. The big one that I am working on is last: Proactivity - The Thirty-Day Test You really need to read book for this one but top three points are: 1.Work only in your circle of influence 2. Make only small commitments 3. Observe yourself without judging I have found this especially hard in my current situation. As I go, I am discovering more about what is inside my COI. What is saving me is having someone else help me with observing part. We get together at end of each week and I go through what I did that I thought was within my COI. My coach (being someone I selected as a coach!) would then observe and comment on where they saw these activities falling. The best part was then what did we think impact on my COI was. Initially it was very little but as weeks have progressed we have both noticed changes in environment I am working in.

I urge you to try this. There is no down side and I am finding it a very empowering experience. I mentioned that I chose a coach. I found this to be vital. My head is full of too much stuff to be sufficiently objective. Choosing a coach is an important decision, and a complete subject in its own right.

It's time to take some real action, its time to be brave!

Cheers Steve

After years as a successful consultant I found myself leading a team. In an effort to move from being a leader to showing Leadership I am on a journey of discovery. If you have found yourself in a similar position, join with me at http://2leadership.com. - Steve

Later we were joined by other friends. As "chance" would have it, one of new friends had connections with where our complaining friend worked. He gave our unhappy friend a name, and said he could help her resolve her issues. He went on to say that this connection was a supervisor, head of many departments, and could probably resolve whatever was wrong.

I was stunned. So was Nerissa. We were seeing magic happen right before our eyes.

But what did our unhappy friend do with her new lead and new hope?

She dismissed it.

She didn't write down name or numbr, or show any signs that something wonderful had just occured.

Do you see how this works?

Sometimes we can self-sabotage things we say we want. We simply dismiss good.

Let me end this with another example:

Yesterday I received a letter in mail about a new audioprogram about dissolving illusions. I read piece but dismissed it. I figured it was simply stuff I had already heard before and probably even recorded elsewhere myself.

Then today I got another mailing, this time from a different source, but selling exact same audiopogram. I read it over closely. I thought, "This is interesting, but I bet there's little new in it." I then placed mailing aside.

An hour or so later, as I was reviewing this very article you're reading right now, I suddenly realized that I was doing very thing I am warning you not to do: I was dismissing an opportunity to learn.

I dug out mailing, filled out order form, and dropped it in mail. The audios are on way.

The point is not that you buy everything that comes your way, but that you don't dismiss everything that comes your way. Sometimes a dismissal is a mask. It's your self-sabotage at work, keeping you where you're at. To grow, you must allow.

Again, you are final authority on your life. Tune in to yourself and do what's right for you. And as you do this, be alert to those times when you may be dismissing next gift to come your way.

Let your guard down, and let life in.

Dr. Joe Vitale is the author of way too many books to list here. His latest title is "The Attractor Factor:

5 Easy Steps for Creating Wealth (or anything else) From the Inside Out." Register for his monthly complimentary ezine at http://www.mrfire.com

His Executive Mentoring Program is described at http://www.joe-vitale-executive-mentoring.com/