Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

14. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

15. Silence. A strangled modem forgets -- that it should blink.

16. Beholdrepparttar ego. It sits in glowing emptiness. Cursor be damned!

17. A dingbat flaps. Windows is crashing. Oh what a pity.

18. Dead PCs. Cube farms empty. Have you called 911 yet?

19. Morning spam. Harbinger of good and ill. "Norton" nixed them all!

20. He says a word. And I say a word. Upgrade chat to phrases.

21. Faceless 404 again. Lone pixel inrepparttar 118177 bit map. Welcome to 'Geekville'.

22. Ohrepparttar 118178 winds that blow - can you ask them - which file is next to go?

23. Alone, onrepparttar 118179 web. Where to now? Who moved my e-cheese?

24. A lightening flash across your screen. Windows closes. Dial 411 for Godot.

25. For love and for hate, I trap a bug. And offer it to Bill.

26. A golden bug. I hurl it intorepparttar 118180 darkness. Is "McAfee" working?

27. A dead Trojan Horse. And yet, isn’t there something remaining in it?

28. Adjust your browser. Sorry, settings are gone. Try another universe!

29. Darkened screens - become modern grapes of wrath - reaping bitter whine.

30. On my screen,repparttar 118181 frigging fish tank. Is that Tony Tuna I see?


NOTE: These one-line-wonders adhere to well-established politically-correct plain language policies, comply with all equal opportunity humor legislation, and subscribe torepparttar 118182 “best practices” embodied inrepparttar 118183 Safe Chortling Code of Conduct for Geeks, Nerds, and Dweebs.

For more information on weatherpixies, please visit: Installing atmospheric icons will ensurerepparttar 118184 safety of garden gnomes fromrepparttar 118185 Norse God of Thunder a.k.a. 'Thor' -- "A Disaster Dude" if ever there was one ...known to fry computers and plants with alacrity and equanimity.

Victoria Elizabeth, alias the "Happy Haiku Harridan", publishes musings about life's little oddities in her bodacious blog called, "The Quipping Queen" ( In her "other life" she is a business development know stuff like how to grow money trees with oodles low-hanging fruit.


Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

(2) are hanging out in herds onrepparttar back nine -- far removed from hunter-matadors (swinging golf clubs, what else!)

(3) seem to be galloping at full speed toward you

(4) are doing a lot of snorting, panting, sweating and sniffing (while galloping at full speed toward you)

(5) occasionally are found breaking wind with ease (incidentally, some fetid-oriented folk consider them a “bullish” investment opportunity)

(6) are known to enjoy lumbering forward with little momentum when happy (or perhaps sick in their tummies from eating far too many hunter-matadors)

(7) are compatible with "one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters" (although no one can remember their Latin name, let alone their nickname)

(8) are lurching up off their knees and standing, swaying ever so gayly and giddyly (especially if they've had one too many whiffs of grass)

(9) get a tad crimson inrepparttar 118176 neck (because they simply can't abide being called, "perky", "cute" or heaven forbid, "bellicose") and

(10) show no remorse about thundering aroundrepparttar 118177 universe and scaringrepparttar 118178 pikka birds half to death, hurtling hunting-matadors all overrepparttar 118179 place, and then galloping off into nothingness or vanishing into thin air (whichever comes first).


For more information about Pefectly Normal Beasts, please read Mostly Harmless (byrepparttar 118180 late, great British humorist, Douglas Adams).

* The Official Douglas Adams site --

* The BBC's Unconventinal Guide to Life,repparttar 118181 Universe & Everything --

For those wishing to know more about Perfectly Normal Beasts, check outrepparttar 118182 paltry 200 website listings devoted to this somewhat obscure topic (according torepparttar 118183 gigantic Google Guessing Gizmo

Copyright, Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen", 2004.

Victoria Elizabeth is a self-proclaimed "Quipping Queen" who lives in a crazy castle by the sea in Victoria, B.C. (Canada). She can be found on most days doing a little musing through the pages of her bodacious blog at or receiving greetings from the realm courtesy of her email:

    <Back to Page 1 © 2005
Terms of Use