14. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

15. Silence. A strangled modem forgets -- that it should blink.

16. Behold ego. It sits in glowing emptiness. Cursor be damned!

17. A dingbat flaps. Windows is crashing. Oh what a pity.

18. Dead PCs. Cube farms empty. Have you called 911 yet?

19. Morning spam. Harbinger of good and ill. "Norton" nixed them all!

20. He says a word. And I say a word. Upgrade chat to phrases.

21. Faceless 404 again. Lone pixel in bit map. Welcome to 'Geekville'.

22. Oh winds that blow - can you ask them - which file is next to go?

23. Alone, on web. Where to now? Who moved my e-cheese?

24. A lightening flash across your screen. Windows closes. Dial 411 for Godot.

25. For love and for hate, I trap a bug. And offer it to Bill.

26. A golden bug. I hurl it into darkness. Is "McAfee" working?

27. A dead Trojan Horse. And yet, isn’t there something remaining in it?

28. Adjust your browser. Sorry, settings are gone. Try another universe!

29. Darkened screens - become modern grapes of wrath - reaping bitter whine.

30. On my screen, frigging fish tank. Is that Tony Tuna I see?

___________

NOTE: These one-line-wonders adhere to well-established politically-correct plain language policies, comply with all equal opportunity humor legislation, and subscribe to “best practices” embodied in Safe Chortling Code of Conduct for Geeks, Nerds, and Dweebs.

For more information on weatherpixies, please visit: www.weatherpixie.com. Installing atmospheric icons will ensure safety of garden gnomes from Norse God of Thunder a.k.a. 'Thor' -- "A Disaster Dude" if ever there was one ...known to fry computers and plants with alacrity and equanimity.

(2) are hanging out in herds on back nine -- far removed from hunter-matadors (swinging golf clubs, what else!)

(3) seem to be galloping at full speed toward you

(4) are doing a lot of snorting, panting, sweating and sniffing (while galloping at full speed toward you)

(5) occasionally are found breaking wind with ease (incidentally, some fetid-oriented folk consider them a “bullish” investment opportunity)

(6) are known to enjoy lumbering forward with little momentum when happy (or perhaps sick in their tummies from eating far too many hunter-matadors)

(7) are compatible with "one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters" (although no one can remember their Latin name, let alone their nickname)

(8) are lurching up off their knees and standing, swaying ever so gayly and giddyly (especially if they've had one too many whiffs of grass)

(9) get a tad crimson in neck (because they simply can't abide being called, "perky", "cute" or heaven forbid, "bellicose") and

(10) show no remorse about thundering around universe and scaring pikka birds half to death, hurtling hunting-matadors all over place, and then galloping off into nothingness or vanishing into thin air (whichever comes first).

__________

For more information about Pefectly Normal Beasts, please read Mostly Harmless (by late, great British humorist, Douglas Adams).

* The Official Douglas Adams site -- http://www.douglasadams.com

* The BBC's Unconventinal Guide to Life, Universe & Everything --http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2

For those wishing to know more about Perfectly Normal Beasts, check out paltry 200 website listings devoted to this somewhat obscure topic (according to gigantic Google Guessing Gizmo http://www.google.com).

Copyright, Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen", 2004.