Written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1

This means that heredity has a big role in how you turn out. But it’s not simply a matter of “inheriting” your mother’s bad temper or your father’s drinking habit.

Experts believe that what you inherit are “temperaments.” Temperament is a predisposition to react in certain ways. It appears at birth or shortly thereafter, and tends to run in families. This explains, for example, why certain breeds of dogs are more aggressive than others.

It’srepparttar same with people. Some babies are more active than others; some are more distractible; some are more easily startled.

These temperaments help determine not onlyrepparttar 126131 kinds of experiences that a growing child seeks out -- for example, one who needs a lot of stimulation will take more risks -- but also, how others respond. Thus, a child who is calm will tend to elicit different parental reactions than a child who is more excitable.

So how does all this figure into your parents’ inner brats and your own? It is quite likely that you have inherited temperaments from one or both of your biological parents. If your parent gets angry easily, you may too -- but not because you inherited your parent’s anger. It is because you inherited a sensitivity to irritation, or a predisposition to react quickly to situations. These in turn make you prone to impulsive behavior such as angry outbursts.

Before you get ready to use this as an excuse for your next temper tantrum or drinking binge, keep in mind that you do have control over how you channel your inherited tendencies. For example, a person who needs a lot of stimulation and novelty might end up as a criminal who takes risks -- or as an inventor, a CIA agent or a professional entertainer. Someone who is innately cautious might end up as an underachiever -- or as a quality-control specialist, a researcher, or a brain surgeon.

Thus, even though temperaments are inherited, inner brat behaviors are NOT inevitable. The very traits that get us into trouble arerepparttar 126132 same ones that can be put to constructive use. With a little creativity you can nudge your inner brat in a more positive direction.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

Dealing with Difficult People: the Alpha Male

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Continued from page 1

5. Right and wrong.

There’s likely to be a lot of discussion about who was “right” and who was “wrong.” If you made a mistake, say so up front. (Often it's good to put as much in writing as you can about what you did, when, in case it comes up later and is subject to his "selective memory.") If you did something because of lack of knowledge say, “I didn’t know that atrepparttar time.” Don’t apologize.

6. Eliminaterepparttar 126130 ordinary "fluff".

Be analytical, logical and direct. Since they are relatively insensitive, direct comments you might make to someone else, will bounce right off their tough hide. Their ends justify any “means,” including disregard for others. They don’t respond well to “I’m sorry,” or “How are you feeling today?” They just don’t like it, that’s why.

7. If you’re sensitive, you may need to find somewhere else to be. Period.

Torepparttar 126131 average alpha male, you’re “a breathing body” and that’s about it. He may not even bother to learn your name as he barks orders.

8. Stay neutral and don't admit to a weakness.

While it works with most people to say, “I’m learning this job and have a ways to go,” to an alpha male, this is like waving a red flag to a bull. Stick with details, “Yes, I see. It won’t happen again.” (Or say “Yes I hear you” or whatever your listening to his vocabulary has taught you.)

9. Avoid appearing (or being) submissive.

If you do, you'll lose his respect. Don’t be intimidated by his anger. The basic reason is probably because it makes him feel good, so there’s not a thing you can do about it. More than any other type, don’t try to change him. It won’t work. (If you do try, get something like a 360 - evidence from everyone else is all he'll believe.)

10. Don't waste his time.

Which is most ofrepparttar 126132 normal niceties and social amenities.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet classes, teleclasses and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence. I train and certify EQ coaches. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, flexible, no-residency program. For FREE ezine, email me and put “ezine” for subject line. CHECK OUT THE BEST EBOOK LIBRARY ON THE INTERNET: www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .

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