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Unfortunately, many people have a tendency to put less important information in first sentence of a release. For example:
"Chet Thompson, CFM, a financial planner located in Glendale, today announced a new service called 'PlanWise.'"
What's more important? Your name, your location, and name of your service, or fact that it will provide a better retirement? All of your contact information is important, and should be in release, but it's not as interesting as what your service will do.
Reporters scan a release quickly: burying your "best" stuff near bottom always backfires. A press release isn't a mystery novel—you aren't going for a surprise ending.
Ned Steele works with people in professional services who want to build their practice and accelerate their growth. The president of Ned Steele's MediaImpact, he is the author of 102 Publicity Tips To Grow a Business or Practice. To learn more visit http://www.MediaImpact.biz or call 212-243-8383.