Writing Fiction to Get Rich

Written by Michael LaRocca

Continued from page 1

Your heroine should be tough, sweet, sensitive, and very horny, and has to think she's not attractive even though every guy inrepparttar book except her husband falls off his chair with a tent in his pants.

Don't letrepparttar 118207 length of a novel faze you. Just throw some people onrepparttar 118208 stage, move them around a bit, and get them into bed. Then, changerepparttar 118209 rules so they have to move around a bit again and get them back into bed. (It doesn't always have to be a bed. Office desks and car seats work too.) Whenrepparttar 118210 book's long enough, stop. Don't worry aboutrepparttar 118211 "climax," because people are climaxing all overrepparttar 118212 place.

Exotic locales. Foreign countries with beaches. Lots of rich people. Remember that you're writing forrepparttar 118213 lowest common denominator, because they spend most ofrepparttar 118214 money that you're trying to reel in. Make it sleazy. No one ever went broke underestimatingrepparttar 118215 public.

How to publish? To do it right, writerepparttar 118216 sales pitch before you writerepparttar 118217 book. Make surerepparttar 118218 book followsrepparttar 118219 pitch andrepparttar 118220 formula. If your cover letter alone has eight typos, no problem. Nobody cares. The publisher will wanna rush this baby to print and get you, or an attractive stand-in, doing as many TV appearances as possible beforerepparttar 118221 book reviewers have time to draw breath. Heck, your target market doesn't read book reviews anyway! Also keep in mind that once that reader buys your book, you've won. They won't get a refund just because you're illiterate. So don't worry about hiring an editor. Hire a publicist!

Think Hollywood. You want your book to become a movie. It doesn't have to be a good movie, because most of them aren't. It just has to sell, baby, sell! Write parts for allrepparttar 118222 hottest stars. True, today's hottest stars will have faded byrepparttar 118223 time they start filming your movie, but no matter. Someone just like them will replace them.

I've been doing it wrong for all these years. I started writing over 20 years ago, andrepparttar 118224 five books I have onrepparttar 118225 shelves are enough to make it a hobby that barely pays for itself. Meanwhile, I work at a job for my money. But if you follow my advice, you won't makerepparttar 118226 same mistakes I have. You'll get rich!

Michael LaRocca's website at http://freereads.topcities.com was chosen by WRITER'S DIGEST as one of The 101 Best Websites For Writers in 2001 and 2002. He published two novels in 2002 and has two more scheduled for publication in 2004. He also works as an editor for an e-publisher. He teaches English at a university in Shaoxing, Zhejiang Province, China, and publishes the free weekly newsletter Mad About Books.

The Litter Box Shuffle

Written by M.L. Scott

Continued from page 1
What's a cat owner to do? You can't strap your cat to a catheter. (Can you???). In my torment I took to gazing at Petal (my cat) inrepparttar hope of any wisdom she might impart regarding litter management. After weeks of lurking in doorways and peering into her Kitty Kondo, Petal relented. Thoughrepparttar 118206 sight of my fumbling around inrepparttar 118207 litter box had becomerepparttar 118208 source of endless cat entertainment, she considered my recent behavior tantamount to stalking and an invasion of her right to privacy. So, after extracting a promise of cat treats (and a restraining order barring me fromrepparttar 118209 Kondo), she informed me thatrepparttar 118210 solution was not only cost effective, but simple. Letrepparttar 118211 cat userepparttar 118212 toilet and dumprepparttar 118213 litter box altogether. Sound strange? Well, it's no stranger than shelling out $200 for a motor that spins waste into a plastic container. For less than $20 you can buy a toilet training cat kit that will have most cats going potty in a few weeks. Forrepparttar 118214 more cynical, Petal suggests tossingrepparttar 118215 pooper-scoopers and giving up on extendingrepparttar 118216 life of soiled litter. Who came up with that idea anyway? If there's waste inrepparttar 118217 box,repparttar 118218 litter is dirty. All ofrepparttar 118219 litter is dirty. Would you sit on a toilet seat with just a little bit of splatter? Slap some baggies on your hands and tossrepparttar 118220 whole thing. If you want to save on litter, then don't put so much inrepparttar 118221 pan. Your cat doesn't need to tunnel her way out ofrepparttar 118222 box. It's a litter box, not an amusement park. She wants out of there as much as you do. So you buy a few more pan liners and extra litter each month. Your nose and your lungs will appreciaterepparttar 118223 investment. Copyright 2004. Sophistication Alley Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

The author fosters rescued animals and helps operate pet related sites including Adoring Pets at www.AdoringPets.com which helps to instill compassionate values and empathy towards animals by showcasing Assistance Animals, Therapy and Companion Pets; www.SundayColors.com a discount gift store; www.HandsnPaws.com a pet travel store with pet travel accessories and www.Pawstogo.com an everyday pet supply store with common pet problem solutions.

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