Write a Better Online Personal AdWritten by Tracy Brant at Datreable.com
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STRINGS. Guys, I see many you making a crucial mistake in your profiles. You will find that women are seldom looking for a "no strings relationship." There simply is no such thing... if it is a relationship, it has strings of SOME sort. If you don't want strings, you are looking for an escort service. Women of any description can find casual physical relationships without lifting a finger to a keyboard. Don't lie, but think about which "strings" are okay with you. "Seeking Torrid Summer Romance" is fine and honest. So is, "I am not eager to move in or get married. I want to have a regular date for parties and cookouts with my friends." Ladies, this counts for you, too. If your personal ad sounds like you might be offering paid sexual services, you are going to get some rude offers. You might avoid phrases like, "looking for a wealthy man with good taste in jewelry."
BEYOND PHYSICAL. Have you ever really dated someone just for their eye color? OK, maybe you have spectacular eyeballs. But ads tend to reel off personal stats... and then stop there, as though there were nothing but a body. Most personal sites let you click things to describe your eyes, hair, and height... don't waste valuable profile space on your hair. Talk about who you are first, and what you look like at end. Want to know number one thing surveyed women look for in a guy? A sense of humor.
AVOID NEGATIVES. This is not place to list all things that drove you crazy about your ex and how you won't put up with that again. Don't list what you don't want... discuss what you DO want. Turn your own lifestyle quirks into positives, not obstacles. Workaholic? Try, "My career keeps me very busy, so I need someone with a flexible schedule for spontaneous one-day adventures." Frugal to a fault? Try "I find it amusing to squeeze a nickel 'til it screams... help me research for my web column "CheapDates for CheapSkates." Worried people will regard your children as an obstacle? "My family is very important to me and I hope to find someone that will enjoy attention of a warm family circle."
POST A PHOTO. Website statistics show that an ad with a photo is 80% more likely to get a response. A photo that shows you relaxed and having fun, no matter what you look like, is even better. Don't use a photo that isn't current.. it isn't worth looking so insecure, or being rejected later. Don't rush to ask for a photo... you may look like a "pic trader," someone who is collecting photos rather than looking for a real date. Don't stress about your looks... attraction is about more than looks. Yes, we often are first attracted to someone by looks, when we meet in person. But on Internet, if you seem like a jerk, you won't get chance to meet in person.
LIFE STAGES. People often say that "age" is not as important as "life stage." Where are you in your life? Just starting out in a new career? Settled into life with kids? Empty-nesting? Exploring new interests? These are things that matter. Talk about what is important in your life. "I am established in my career and now turning my attention to great books I never had time to read." "I moved to this state for a job after college, and I am looking for dates with a lot of outdoors-loving friends to help me build a sporty new social circle."
FAVORITE THINGS. Listing ALL your favorite things is dizzying.. Choose one good example and talk about why you like it. Choose something that gives reader an insight into what you enjoy. You want people to be able to spot things you have in common, but also feel that there is something new and interesting to learn about you. Interest them in learning more with a "teaser" about something fascinating about you. Ask a question for them to answer in reply email.
RULES. Never... NEVER include your last name, phone number or address. Observe rules of various websites... some do not allow you to post web addresses or email addresses. Many prohibit crude language or sexual references. Getting your ad removed by breaking rules is a waste of time.
So... let your personality be shown in a tasteful way, take time to do a good job, and have a good photo. Those things alone will put you far ahead of misspelled anonymous pack. Best of luck!
© Dateable.com LLC 2002
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Your Body is a Mirror of Your LifeWritten by Martin Brofman, Ph.D.
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The Human Directional System We can say that we have an inner guidance system, a connection to our Higher Self, or our Inner Being, or whatever name we choose to give this Higher Intelligence. This inner guidance system functions through what we call our intuition, or our instinct. It speaks a very simple language. Either it feels good, or it doesn't. All rest is just politics. We are told we should move with what feels good, and do not do what doesn't feel good to us. We are told to trust this inner voice. When we don't follow this inner voice we feel tension. We feel not-good. Then, voice must get louder. The next level of communication is through emotions. As we move more and more in direction that feels not-good, we experience more and more emotions that feel not-good, and at some point we can say, "I should have listened to myself when I thought to move in other direction." That meant that we heard inner voice. Otherwise, we could not have said, "I should have listened." If we make decision we know is right one for us, and therefore change direction, there is a release of tension, we feel better, and we know we are again on right track. If we continue to move in direction that feels not-good, communication reaches physical level. We create a symptom, and symptom speaks a language which reflects idea that we each create our own reality. When we describe symptom from that point of view, we can understand message. If we change our way of being, we have received message, and symptom has no further reason for being. It is able to be released, according to whatever we allow ourselves to believe is possible. If we created symptom with a decision, we are also able to release it with a decision. As an hypothesis, we can imagine that someone makes a decision that it is not a good idea to express what they want. From that moment, whenever there is something they want, they keep themselves from expressing it, and therefore from having what they want. That feels not-good. The tension grows. They feel more and more not-good as they keep themselves from expressing what they want and not having it. Eventually, something happens to create a symptom on physical level, and their right arm is affected. It could have happened through falling from a ladder, or in an automobile accident, or by pinching a nerve in neck, or by "sleeping in a draft." Something had to happen on physical level to create symptom, in order to give person message on physical level about what they had been doing to themselves. We do to ourselves literally what we have been doing to ourselves figuratively. The effect is that person cannot move their arm. They are keeping themselves from reaching for something, and since it is right arm, on "will" side of body, they are keeping themselves from reaching for or going for what they want. They have been giving themselves reasons to not believe that they could have what they want. When they begin to do something different in their consciousness, they notice that something different begins to happen with their arm, and symptom is able to be released.
Martin Brofman, Ph.D. teacher, healer, author, architect of the Body Mirror System of Healing, is the Founder and Director of the Brofman Foundation for the Advancement of Healing.