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1.Remove yourself from further sources of temptation and let it be known that you have. Donít go where you used to go, and donít hang out with people you used to hang out with, and avoid people who do what you want to avoid doing. 2.Be particularly careful of your behavior when with person youíve harmed. For instance, if you have an affair on your husband, when in social situations, patently ignore members of opposite sex and stick by side of your husband. 3.If embarrassment has been caused and/or temptation remains, be willing to relocate Ė get another job if you had an affair at office, or move to another neighborhood if it was with a neighbor. 4.Over-communicate. If you used to sneak off to drink or gamble saying you were working late, or meeting a friend, announce where youíre going, with whom youíre going, and when youíll be back. Give a phone number and an invitation for them to check in with you (i.e., check up on your). Better yet, YOU call. (Donít whine. This is a consequence of your actions you must deal with if you want to regain trust.) 5.Be meticulous about keeping your word. If you say youíll meet him at 5:00 p.m., be there at 5 till. If you say youíll pick up milk at store on way home, do it. 6.Make your life an open book. Display, without vindictiveness, things you used to hide Ė cell phone bill, address book, credit card statements, contents of your travel suitcase, whoís on other end of phoneline, and whatís in cup youíre drinking out of.
You can grasp picture better if you consider unfortunate analogy of a dog whoís been beaten. If you adopt such a dog, youíll find every time you approach them, they will cower or run away. You will have to approach slowly, with your hands exposed, palms up, so that slowly dog will learn that you donít harbor weapons, and donít use your hands to hit. This requires discipline on your part, and consideration for other, but is part of restitution. In other words, you make it very clear, overly-clear, that you donít intend to do what you did again.
In sum, if someone has granted you forgiveness for something youíve said or done, and you want to continue relationship, you will have to rebuild trust. Damaged relationships can be repaired with forgiveness, time, changed behavior (and words are a behavior), and restored trust.
Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching, internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. I train and certify EQ coaches. Mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. For FREE EQ ezine, email w/ "ezine" for subject line.