8. I will avoid explaining myself in any way by saying, "I have no idea why I did that...it doesn't make any sense to me either." (Notice that it does not say, "I will make sure she understands *my* point of view." Life can go on without you being understood.

9. I will listen sympathetically to my partner when she tells me about her day. (That means maintaining eye contact and turning television off...not just on mute.)

10. I will not give unsolicited advice to my wife or children. (That also means not asking questions such as, "Do you know what you should do?" or "Do you want to know why that happened?")

11. I will avoid blaming family members for anything today, especially if it was their fault. (Instead, say things such as, "It's not your fault you ran out of gas. That stupid gas gauge shows there is gas when there isn't!")

12. I will avoid trying to make any family member "understand" anything. (You may find out that they don't want to understand what you think is moral or "truth" of some situation.)

13. I will avoid trying to convince my child or spouse that I am being fair. (Enjoy relief of *not* trying to convince your teenager that you are being fair, and just sympathize with them for having an unfair parent that wants to ruin their lives.)

14. I will look for an opportunity to sincerely praise everyone I live with, especially cat I don't like. (Yes, every day! Pet cat and say nice things to it. The children and your wife will know that you have changed...insist that you have come to have warm feelings toward cat.)

15. I will humbly commit myself to removing my angry behaviors today, as my contribution toward a more peaceful world. (Realize that there is enough anger and grief in world without you adding to it.)

Put this list on refrigerator and ask your wife and children to remind you about it. When they do, calmly say, "You are right. I am sorry. I was wrong."

*Jen, Miss Congeniality, was a pro. When there was silence, she would begin a conversation -- “Well, what did everyone do today?” She would then turn to someone who would speak a little. Then she would ask next person.

*Major Drag Donald and his wife Edna added nothing positive to group. Donald, when he managed to ^get floor^ as surely he thought of it, would drone on about something that could’ve been interesting if it weren’t for his style and demeanor. Then his wife would correct him. For instance, Sally started talking about how rocking of boat reminded her of earthquakes and San Andreas Fault. This got MD Donald, an engineer professor, talking about geophysics. We could’ve learned some really great stuff if he’d been talking to us instead of a group of Ph.D. geophysicists or whomever he had in mind, and if he‘d cut it short. Then Edna corrected numbers of Richter scale with hostility.

*Kristina listened to Doctor Bob asking me about emotional intelligence and interjected by asking Doctor Bob, “Are you a Christian?” This is not appropriate over dinner table. Doctor Bob’s response was appropriate: “Kristina, what a charming question. Could you please pass butter?”

Here are some dinner conversation rules. Learn rules. When it’s time to break them, your intuition (an EQ competency) will tell you.

1. Avoid controversial subjects. 2. Find something pleasant to talk about in a pleasant tone of voice. 3. Pay attention to nonverbal cues from table mates that you are boring them. 4. Use interpersonal skills to include others. Don’t hog conversation no matter how charming you think you are. 5. Do your part. It’s up to you to make it a pleasant evening. 6. Save private quarrels with your partner for another time; don’t correct them, make hostile comments, criticize or ridicule your partner in public. 7. If you’re greatly skilled, gently ^control^ flow of conversation. 8. Don’t be a boring person. When is a person boring? When they’re bored. If you’re bored, why are you? Work on that. (Get a coach!) 9. Have a store of topics at your fingertips when you approach table. Such topics as movies, books, scenery, travel, celebrities, sports, art and questions-about-others are always appropriate. 10. Find new ways to ask old questions. Make this a creative exercise for yourself. For instance, “What do you do when you’re not cruising?” will lead to a far more interesting answer than “What’s your job?” 11. Ask open-ended questions, that is, ones that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”. 12. You’ll never fail if you show interest in others. If you’re lucky, you’ll be in a high EQ group where such consideration is shared. 13. Conversation’s like volleyball -- keep it in air, set up others, don't hog ball. 14. As Dr. Johnson says, avoid vanity and competition. 15. Spend some time observing talented others.