Women in Transition From Post Feminism to Past Femininity - Part II

Written by Sam Vaknin

Continued from page 1

Yet, evenrepparttar young entrepreneurs often fare badly. They lackrepparttar 131115 necessary business skills,repparttar 131116 knowledge,repparttar 131117 supportive infrastructure, orrepparttar 131118 access to credit. The older women cannot work long hours, lack skills and, when officially employed, are expensive, due torepparttar 131119 burden ofrepparttar 131120 still effective social benefits. Thus, women can be mostly found in services, light industry and agriculture -repparttar 131121 most non lucrative sectors ofrepparttar 131122 dilapidated economies of CEE. And speaking ofrepparttar 131123 social benefits not yet axed - their quality has deteriorated, access to them has been restricted and supplies are often short. The costs of public goods (mainly health and education) have been transferred from state to households either officially (a result ofrepparttar 131124 commercialization of services) or surreptitiously and insidiously (e.g., patients required to purchase their own food, bed sheets and medication when hospitalized).

To blame it all on a botched transition is now in vogue. Yet, many ofrepparttar 131125 problems facingrepparttar 131126 wretched women of CEE were evident as early as 30 years ago. The feminization of poverty is not a new phenomenon, nor isrepparttar 131127 feminization of certain professions andrepparttar 131128 attendant decline in both their status and their pay. Under communism, women felt as exhausted and as guilt-ridden as they feel today. They were considered unreliable workers (which they were, what with a lifetime average of 10 abortions and 2 children). Their offspring endured an alienated childhood inrepparttar 131129 brutal and faceless gulag of day care centres maintained by indifferent bureaucrats.

Juvenile delinquency, a high divorce rate, single motherhood and parasitic fathers were all swept underrepparttar 131130 ideological carpet by communism. Even communism's only achievement -repparttar 131131 inclusionary workforce - was an elaborately crafted illusion for consumption by wide-eyed Western intellectuals. Inrepparttar 131132 agrarian societies which preceded communism, women worked no less. And women were not allowed to work night time or shifts or in certain jobs, nor were they paid as much as men in equal functions. Job advertising is sex-specific and sexist to this very day (in stark violation of dead letter Constitutions).

Discardingrepparttar 131133 baby withrepparttar 131134 leaking bathtub has been a hallmark of transition. Communism has done a lot for women (one of its very rare achievements). Some of these foundations were sound and durable and should have been preserved to build upon. Yetrepparttar 131135 apathy of women andrepparttar 131136 zeal of power hungry men converged to yield an old new world: patriarchal, discriminatory and iniquitous. The day of CEE feminism will come. But first, CEE has to become more Westernized.

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory, Suite101 and searcheurope.com.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com

Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Part I

Written by Sam Vaknin

Continued from page 1

Why is it thatrepparttar partner seeks to prolong her pain? What isrepparttar 131113 source and purpose of this masochistic streak? Uponrepparttar 131114 break-up ofrepparttar 131115 relationship,repparttar 131116 partner (but notrepparttar 131117 narcissist, who usually refuses to provide closure) engage in a tortuous and drawn out post mortem.

Butrepparttar 131118 question who did what to whom (and even why) is irrelevant. What is relevant is to stop mourning oneself, start smiling again and love in a less subservient, hopeless, and pain-inflicting manner.

The Abuse

Abuse is an integral, inseparable part ofrepparttar 131119 Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The narcissist idealises and then DEVALUES and discardsrepparttar 131120 object of his initial idealisation. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealise and then devalue. This is THE core narcissistic behaviour. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse.

There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as one's extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a morbid sense of humour, or consistently tactless – is to abuse. To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore – are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long.

Narcissists are masters of abusing surreptitiously ("ambient abuse"). They are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witnessrepparttar 131121 abuse.

There are three important categories of abuse:

Overt Abuse – The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, battering, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring ("silent treatment"), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse. Covert or Controlling Abuse – Narcissism is almost entirely about control. It is a primitive and immature reaction torepparttar 131122 circumstances of a life in whichrepparttar 131123 narcissist (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-asserting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, masteringrepparttar 131124 environment – human and physical. The bulk of narcissistic behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction torepparttar 131125 potential for loss of control. Narcissists are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in their efforts to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of "being in touch" – another form of narcissistic control. But whyrepparttar 131126 panic?

The narcissist is a solipsist. To him, nothing exists except himself. Meaningful others are his extensions, assimilated by him, they are internal objects – not external ones. Thus, losing control of a significant other – is equivalent to losingrepparttar 131127 use of a limb, or of one's brain. It is terrifying.

Independent or disobedient people evoke inrepparttar 131128 narcissistrepparttar 131129 realisation that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is notrepparttar 131130 centre ofrepparttar 131131 world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations.

Torepparttar 131132 narcissist, losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements inrepparttar 131133 narcissist's mind – being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts… Nightmarish!

Moreover, it is often only through manipulation and extortion thatrepparttar 131134 narcissist can secure his Narcissistic Supply (NS). Controlling his Sources of Narcissistic Supply is a (mental) life or death question forrepparttar 131135 narcissist. The narcissist is a drug addict (his drug beingrepparttar 131136 NS) and he would go to any length to obtainrepparttar 131137 next dose.

In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it,repparttar 131138 narcissist resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms. Here is a partial list:


The narcissist acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. This serves to demolish in others their carefully crafted worldview. They become dependent uponrepparttar 131139 next twist and turn ofrepparttar 131140 narcissist, his inexplicable whims, his outbursts, denial, or smiles.

In other words:repparttar 131141 narcissist makes sure that HE isrepparttar 131142 only stable entity inrepparttar 131143 lives of others – by shatteringrepparttar 131144 rest of their world through his seemingly insane behaviour. He guarantees his presence in their lives – by destabilising them.

Inrepparttar 131145 absence of a self, there are no likes or dislikes, preferences, predictable behaviour or characteristics. It is not possible to knowrepparttar 131146 narcissist. There is no one there.

The narcissist was conditioned – from an early age of abuse and trauma – to expectrepparttar 131147 unexpected. His was a world in which (sometimes sadistic) capricious caretakers and peers often behaved arbitrarily. He was trained to deny his True Self and nurture a False one.

Having invented himself,repparttar 131148 narcissist sees no problem in re-inventing that which he designed inrepparttar 131149 first place. The narcissist is his own creator.

Hence his grandiosity.


Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory, Suite101 and searcheurope.com.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com

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