The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues: *level of self-esteem *capacity for intimacy *roles that she has been in throughout her life

If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both orally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.

If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to true availability of other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.

If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.

If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.

If a woman has been too long in role of rescuer, caregiver or one who sacrifices for good of others, this will probably be role she will seek out in her relationships.

Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy," who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.

Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without. Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values".

Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding right partner for you.

Toni Coleman is a relationship coach in private practice in Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. She has written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly.

2) Each day before you enter your workplace, repeat several times following affirmation:

"My mind is peaceful throughout whole day. I radiate peace around me. I talk peacefully, politely and with a smile. I choose to act peacefully”.

Say affirmation with attention, faith and emotion.

3) Greet people you meet at work.

4) Whenever you feel tension or anger building in you, take three deep slow breathes before any talking or action.

5) Become conscious of words you think, say or write. Use only positive words.

6) Be polite.

7) Whenever you find yourself raising your voice, immediately lower it.

8) Talk in a medium pitch voice, not too loud or too low, and don’t let loudness or pitch of other people’s voices influence yours.

9) Several times during your workday find a quiet place. It may be at your desk, or if it is not quiet enough there, it can be at bathroom, an empty room or some other quiet spot. For several moments visualize a beautiful location that you love or some event that made you happy. Feel that you are there and enjoy feelings that arise.

10) While working, concentrate on what you are doing. Put there your full attention. This will keep your mind off disturbing thoughts.

11) Don’t waste your time and energy analyzing and thinking about people’s motives and behavior, but rather try to improve your actions.

12) Before speaking with someone whom you dislike or fear, or someone who makes you feel tense or angry, take a few deep breathes and visualize two of you conversing peacefully and harmoniously.

Remez Sasson writes and teaches about spiritual growth, meditation, positive thinking, creative visualization and mind power, and issues a biweekly ezine, "Consciousness and Success". He is the author of two books, "Will power and Self-Discipline" and "Visualize and Achieve".