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When Visuals are reactive, they become frustrated and depressed. Their biggest trap is perfectionism. “I like you but you need to change in some areas. If you love me, you’ll be willing to make those changes.” This desire for
“perfect” man is fueled by their fears: ·Afraid of not being able to live up to one’s own high standards (“If we work at it, we can be perfect couple.”) ·Afraid of running out of time (“I visualized my life as being married and older I get, less men there are to make this happen.”) ·Fear of unknown (“I want to feel secure about my future – to be able to visualize it as a comfortable life.”)
Remedy for Visuals: Let go of perfectionism. You can easily be hurt by criticism because you view what you do as who you are. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you make mistake or if a relationship didn’t turn out as expected. Learn to accept yourself as you are. You have a wonderful sense of humor because you can easily see humor in everyday situations. Discover ways to make your life fulfilling without a man. Then you won’t appear desperate because “you’re not getting any younger …”
When Wholistics are reactive, they become resentful and blame others for their discontent. This resentment is fuel by these fears: ·Afraid of not being valued or given a chance (“I know you could love me if you’d just give me a chance!”) ·Afraid of failure, not reaching full potential (As a Wholistic, you are born with a sense mission, that you are destined for excellence. If this hasn’t happened, you may use excuses to soften disillusionment you have in yourself.) ·Afraid of restrictions, loss of freedom (“I can’t make a commitment – I want to be free to go with flow.”)
Remedy for Wholistics: Beware of letting your desperation cause you to “settle for less” if you are disillusioned with yourself. You might be attracted to abusive men because you don’t deserve better. It’s never too late to reach excellence, whether it’s being a wonderful grandmother, or writing a book, or finally having time to do those things you always wanted to do but didn’t have time.
When you aren’t looking for a man is when they are most likely to find you. They might find you or you might approach him though a computer dating service. But if he doesn’t reply to your message despite how strongly he “courted you” in his first messages, he’s lost interest. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you!
Be yourself. The “Red Hat Society” has expanded into hundreds of groups because they are women having a good time just being themselves. Remember Dave’s plea, “I wish women would leave me alone!”
Carol Welsh, M.S. is the author of “Stop When You See Red.” She has over 25 years experience as a speaker and is a frequent guest on talk shows. Website is www.stopred.com.
